My first step...

Today I took my first step.  My first step to freedom from a monster that has fed me lies I have believed my whole life.  Today I took steps closer to a Father who will NEVER leave me no matter what I do.  Today I dove deeper into friendships.  Today I began the day terrified of my upcoming journey to freedom and ended the day scared, but excited.  Today I fell a little more in love with my Father.  Today I heard His words come from many mouths...words that brought me to my knees and brought tears to my eyes.  Today I surrendered control and fear.
Tomorrow.  Tomorrow I will continue on my journey.  Tomorrow I will face the same lies and the same fear.  But tomorrow I will know that many walk with my on my journey to freedom.  Tomorrow I will know that I don't even have to walk...I just have to let my Father carry me.  Tomorrow I will explain what this post means.
Tonight, I'm going to crawl into my bed and sleep with the arms of my Father wrapped around me knowing that nothing that is coming is bigger than Him.  Tonight I'm going to remind myself, before the blanket of sleep wraps itself around me, that my Father loves me...NO MATTER WHAT I DO.  Tonight I'm going to go to sleep thinking about a letter that a friend read in fellowship today that gave me the courage to start this journey.  Tonight I'm going to share that letter with you too.

" Golgotha

7/April/30

My Precious Child,

I know you. I knew you before I laid the foundations of the earth. Before I set the sun and moon in place, I saw your unformed body.  I took great delight in creating you in the secret place – and I loved you ….so much.

My precious child. I know you.  Even now, I see how you struggle. Your loneliness so often overwhelms you. It overwhelms me… now. I felt your pain as you screamed in frustration into your pillow.  I was there -when in darkness you cried and cried. The dark thoughts which flood your mind whispering lies– even now surround me - filling my mind.

My precious child. I know you. I know that secret place in your heart. Nothing is hidden from me. I know your sin. All the doubts, the anger, the bitterness and jealousy…I know. Yes, my child even the lust…I know all about it…. sexual immorality, dishonesty, unfaithfulness. Even now they relentlessly attack me. Cutting deep into my flesh

My precious child, I know you.  I see you right now – on the 4^th of September 2011, 1981 years from this day. I love you so much – right now – that I choose to hang here, soon to die. I could call a legion of angels to come rescue me, but I choose to stay….for you.

Today as you hear my voice, don’t harden your heart. What is happening here, right now - changes everything! Look at me! I know you. I…..forgive you….completely.

Never forget,

Love,

Jesus"