One Step at a Time...

This week has been one of the hardest and one of the best weeks of my life.  Last Sunday (but really it began a very long time before then), my true Daddy told me that now was the time to deal with my feelings about my earthly father (who I will refer to as Michael from here on out to avoid confusion).  You see, Michael is a  verbally abusive alcoholic.  After growing up with him and interacting with him for all of my 25 years, his behavior and words have told me over and over that I am worthless, unlovable, and a waste of space.  In my head, I know these are lies, but my heart believes them.  My heart believes I am fatally flawed and NO ONE (not even my true Daddy) can love me because of it. 
This Sunday, I heard Daddy speak words to me from the mouths of others.  I heard Him whisper to my heart and say you are loved, but you will never believe that until you confront your feelings about Michael.  On Sunday, I was held and comforted by some of my closest friends and I poured 25 years of hurt at their feet.  I cried more in one day than I have cried in the last year ( I HATE crying).  At the end of the day, I felt exhuasted, but I also felt the first stirrings of freedom in my heart. 
I've been waking up each morning asking my Daddy what the next step is.  Sometimes the step is easy and sometimes it is hard.  You see, forgiving Michael and trashing the lies in my heart will not happen overnight, next week, or probably anytime soon, but every day Daddy brings me a little closer to the freedom only He can offer.  The realization that He loved me so much that He gave His life for me.  Nothing will ever change that no matter what I do or what lie I believe.  HE LOVES ME!
So every morning, I wake up and tell myself He loves me and I have friends that love me.  Then I try to think of some of the friends who have shown over and over that they love me.  I remind myself that I am His creation and no one can take my value away.  I remind myself that nothing NOTHING can separate me from His love.  And so far, I believe it 60% of the time...which is much better than the 20% of last week.
So dear friends, I am waging the battle of my life.  I am feel like I'm succeeding now, but doubt sometimes overcomes me again.  So, I need your help.  I can't fight this battle alone.  I have Daddy close to my side and His Words close as well.  But I need you too.  I need your hugs...your words of encouragement...I need you to ask how I'm doing and make sure I really tell you.  There is no way I'll be able to believe I am lovable if I don't have my friends help guide me through this.
I love you and I need you.