Saturday, February 23, 2013

I Used to Write Him Letters

When I was 15 years old, I started writing letters to my future husband.  They were nothing special, but I wrote to him every few months about thoughts I had, how I prayed for him, how I couldn't wait to meet him, etc.  Super cheese, but really liked doing it. 
When I was 19 I fell in love for the first time.  When we got engaged, I started writing my letters to him.  I poured my love for him into those letters and I wrote him all the time.  For various reasons (that I would be happy to discuss with you if you ever want to ask), I broke off our engagement.  The major reason was that I knew that I had to choose in that moment to follow my heart and my desires or follow God and what he had planned for my life.  I decided to follow God and I stopped writing. 
At first I stopped writing because it took a while for my heart to heal.  I didn't regret my decision to follow God, but my heart was broken.  The letters got "lost" at some point during this time.  Later when my heart had healed, I still didn't write.  I knew that when I chose to follow God, he might choose to never give me a husband.  At first I acknowledged that truth, but I wasn't ok with it.  Now years later, I can honestly say I would be ok if I never had a husband or family, but I really really want one some day.
When I fully embraced the truth that I might always be single, I put my heart on guard.  I am a firm believer that the guy should make the first move.  However, when I was younger, I was too free with my love.  I was happy to fall hard for any guy that I decided I liked.  It got me hurt several times...and there is nothing worse than a good friend hurting you and never knowing.  When I chose to follow God, I put my heart on guard.  I truly try hard to see every guy as a friend and a brother in Christ and I don't usually let myself go beyond that.  Sometimes I'll develop a crush, but I treat him just the same and I won't act on it unless he tells me has feelings for me.  At that point, I'll really think hard about my feelings for someone and if I want to be with that guy, I guarantee I'll fall hard and fast.  I love with my whole heart and hold nothing back.
So, why am I boring you with this sappy post?  Because I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  Some of my friends are trying to set me up both here and in the States.  I secretly love the attention, even if it is super embarrassing sometimes, but I have to be honest in telling you that despite all your efforts, unless the guy tells me outright that he wants to date me, my heart will be on guard.  He has to act first.
And in the meantime, maybe I'll start writing him again...I'll have to think about that a little more though...and whoever you are, I can't wait to meet you and love you.  And if my husband's parents decided not to have kids...well then I'll rest in the arms of the Lover of my soul and I'll be perfectly happy.  He really is all I need and his grace is sufficient.
Now I must go gag at my sappiness. :)

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

On Trying to Sleep In and Crazy Cats

During every break off of school, there is one or two days that I will sleep 12 hours.  It is a great way for my poor body to recover from my highly busy and somewhat stressful job (which I absolutely love).  Last night, I decided I was going to sleep for 12 hours. :)
I went to bed at 10:30pm as tired as could be and fell asleep immediately.  My first 8 hours were easy to get through, but then the disturbances began...
At 6am, I had to go to the bathroom...sad reality.  When I got back, my cat decided I was up so it was time to pet him.  That didn't last long.  I was out again in 5 minutes.
8am, really loud fireworks scared me to death.  My cat decided I was up so it was time to pet him.  Lasted a little longer this time...maybe 8 minutes.
8:15am, another volley of fireworks scared the living daylights out of me...still too out of it to remember I have ear plugs, but my cat decided I was up so it was time to pet him.  Again, that didn't last long.  I was out again in 2 minutes.
At 9:30am, I was sleeping quite peacefully with no fireworks when BAM!  I had a ten pound cat land on my chest and demand to be pet right that instant and no he was not going to let me sleep anymore.  This was his time!  Since he doesn't usually do this (just sometimes) I wondered what was up...that and the morning is unusually dark.  I walked out into my living room and saw that it was snowing.  That explains it.  My cat LOVES the snow and goes totally crazy when it snows.  So here is to the fifth or sixth time it has snowed this season (it usually snows once or twice) and to the cat who is now sleeping in my bed which he forced me to leave less than 30 minutes ago.  You win, Nacho.  You win...

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Getting Ready for Chun Jie...

My mother absolutely refuses to go shopping for anything right before Christmas.  She hates the crowds and long lines.  Over the last several years I've actually come not to mind shopping in a crowd in America because it feels like a normal day of shopping in Qingdao. 
Chun Jie (aka Chinese New Year) is the Chinese equivalent of Christmas.  Everyone goes out shopping for gifts and tons of food.  Millions of people (literally) leave to go on vacations or visit family.  Traffic is out of control and chaos ensues.  Qingdao is a city of roughly 9 million people, but I never feel like there are that many people here until Chun Jie (well and when tourists flood in for the summer...but we have a lot more than 9 million people in the city then).  There are people everywhere and the stores are crazy.
Every month our school organizes a bus to take us out to Metro (China's Sam's Club or Costco).  Metro is really far away so having the bus is super nice.  However, every year I forget that the previous year I swore I would never go to Metro within two weeks of Chun Jie.  Yesterday I went to Metro and Chun Jie technically starts today....dumb move, Amy. 
Shopping at Metro yesterday was an interesting experience.  I started walking around and getting what I needed while dodging tons of other shoppers.  No big deal.  At one point I reached for an item and a little old lady grabbed my cart and started asking me all about what I was buying and why was I buying it.  Umm...not too bad, but a little weird.  I've had people look into my cart and comment on what I'm buying before, but never grab it.  Weird, but still doing ok. 
I went to grab something else and a middle-aged Chinese man stopped me and asked if I was cold...I wasn't wearing my coat, but we were inside.  When I told him I wasn't he started asking me all kinds of questions about my life.  Still not weird, things like that happen a lot.  The weird thing was that after about 3 questions he told me I was beautiful, asked a few more questions, told me I was beautiful, asked some more questions, and told me I was beautiful again.  After the second beautiful, I was uncomfortable...especially since we had already covered that I wasn't married.  After the third beautiful, I kindly told him I had to go.  He laughed, but finally let me go.  Ummm...ok.  This is getting a little weird.  (Random side note - after this experience I realized that the reason he thought I was so beautiful was because I wasn't wearing make-up and Chinese people think red cheeks are beautiful and I have very red cheeks that are normally covered up by my make-up.  Gives you a new perspective on beauty, doesn't it?)
I went to get in "line" to check out and to be honest, the lines were pretty legit.  There was about 20 people in each line so I settled in for a long wait (the major reason I never want to go to Metro at this time...I spent 45 minutes in line).  After 30 or so minutes in line, another line opened up and people literally tried to trample each other to get into that line.  Two women started having a shoving contest with their carts to see who could go first.  Umm...now we have reached weird and crazy. 
After I finally made it through the line and got checked out (after a fiasco where my credit card wouldn't scan and I had to borrow a friends...now I was embarrassed too).  We finally all made it back to the bus and left only a half hour late which wasn't bad considering how many people where in Metro.  Then we sat in traffic for 15 minutes trying to get less than a block away because there was a huge traffic jam where everyone was trying to get through a street light at the same time and no one was willing to concede any ground.  Uggghhh...seriously?  Holidays bring out the worst in people.
However I finally made it home and got a fabulous phone call from a great friend in America so life was good and happy.  Now today I have the pleasure of listening to the beginning of what will be about 3 weeks of fireworks...that go at least 12 hours a day until Lantern Festival...which is my favorite Chinese holiday.  It's gorgeous and so much fun. 
But for now, I'll just try to enjoy the fireworks, get through another week of school and then spend two weeks catching up with my friends and watching my favorite tv shows...I'll be up most of the night anyway.  Anyone want to call me over Chun Jie vacation?  I'm off school from Feb. 9-24th and I'll be awake really late each night (the fireworks are often too loud to sleep through).  Just let me know. :)