When I was 15 years old, I started writing letters to my future husband. They were nothing special, but I wrote to him every few months about thoughts I had, how I prayed for him, how I couldn't wait to meet him, etc. Super cheese, but really liked doing it.
When I was 19 I fell in love for the first time. When we got engaged, I started writing my letters to him. I poured my love for him into those letters and I wrote him all the time. For various reasons (that I would be happy to discuss with you if you ever want to ask), I broke off our engagement. The major reason was that I knew that I had to choose in that moment to follow my heart and my desires or follow God and what he had planned for my life. I decided to follow God and I stopped writing.
At first I stopped writing because it took a while for my heart to heal. I didn't regret my decision to follow God, but my heart was broken. The letters got "lost" at some point during this time. Later when my heart had healed, I still didn't write. I knew that when I chose to follow God, he might choose to never give me a husband. At first I acknowledged that truth, but I wasn't ok with it. Now years later, I can honestly say I would be ok if I never had a husband or family, but I really really want one some day.
When I fully embraced the truth that I might always be single, I put my heart on guard. I am a firm believer that the guy should make the first move. However, when I was younger, I was too free with my love. I was happy to fall hard for any guy that I decided I liked. It got me hurt several times...and there is nothing worse than a good friend hurting you and never knowing. When I chose to follow God, I put my heart on guard. I truly try hard to see every guy as a friend and a brother in Christ and I don't usually let myself go beyond that. Sometimes I'll develop a crush, but I treat him just the same and I won't act on it unless he tells me has feelings for me. At that point, I'll really think hard about my feelings for someone and if I want to be with that guy, I guarantee I'll fall hard and fast. I love with my whole heart and hold nothing back.
So, why am I boring you with this sappy post? Because I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Some of my friends are trying to set me up both here and in the States. I secretly love the attention, even if it is super embarrassing sometimes, but I have to be honest in telling you that despite all your efforts, unless the guy tells me outright that he wants to date me, my heart will be on guard. He has to act first.
And in the meantime, maybe I'll start writing him again...I'll have to think about that a little more though...and whoever you are, I can't wait to meet you and love you. And if my husband's parents decided not to have kids...well then I'll rest in the arms of the Lover of my soul and I'll be perfectly happy. He really is all I need and his grace is sufficient.
Now I must go gag at my sappiness. :)
When I was 19 I fell in love for the first time. When we got engaged, I started writing my letters to him. I poured my love for him into those letters and I wrote him all the time. For various reasons (that I would be happy to discuss with you if you ever want to ask), I broke off our engagement. The major reason was that I knew that I had to choose in that moment to follow my heart and my desires or follow God and what he had planned for my life. I decided to follow God and I stopped writing.
At first I stopped writing because it took a while for my heart to heal. I didn't regret my decision to follow God, but my heart was broken. The letters got "lost" at some point during this time. Later when my heart had healed, I still didn't write. I knew that when I chose to follow God, he might choose to never give me a husband. At first I acknowledged that truth, but I wasn't ok with it. Now years later, I can honestly say I would be ok if I never had a husband or family, but I really really want one some day.
When I fully embraced the truth that I might always be single, I put my heart on guard. I am a firm believer that the guy should make the first move. However, when I was younger, I was too free with my love. I was happy to fall hard for any guy that I decided I liked. It got me hurt several times...and there is nothing worse than a good friend hurting you and never knowing. When I chose to follow God, I put my heart on guard. I truly try hard to see every guy as a friend and a brother in Christ and I don't usually let myself go beyond that. Sometimes I'll develop a crush, but I treat him just the same and I won't act on it unless he tells me has feelings for me. At that point, I'll really think hard about my feelings for someone and if I want to be with that guy, I guarantee I'll fall hard and fast. I love with my whole heart and hold nothing back.
So, why am I boring you with this sappy post? Because I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Some of my friends are trying to set me up both here and in the States. I secretly love the attention, even if it is super embarrassing sometimes, but I have to be honest in telling you that despite all your efforts, unless the guy tells me outright that he wants to date me, my heart will be on guard. He has to act first.
And in the meantime, maybe I'll start writing him again...I'll have to think about that a little more though...and whoever you are, I can't wait to meet you and love you. And if my husband's parents decided not to have kids...well then I'll rest in the arms of the Lover of my soul and I'll be perfectly happy. He really is all I need and his grace is sufficient.
Now I must go gag at my sappiness. :)
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