I have put m belief in the Father for 20 years now. In everyone's book, something I have done for so long should be old hat. However, I am constantly amazed by Him. Instead of Him becoming more commonplace and boring, He gets more amazing and intriguing every year.
This year, as always, I have heard the Christmas story over and over. However, every time I hear it, a chill goes down my spine or my heart swells just a little. I just can't wrap my head around it. The King and Creator of the universe gave up EVERYTHING for us. He could have just given us up as a lost cause, but He chose to love us instead. He wrapped our fragile broken form around His perfect holiness and came to earth to woo and save a people who didn't want Him. He came knowing that we would reject him, torture him, and kill him. He came telling us that He would willing suffer all that for us and then proceed to REJOICE every time one of us accepted His offer of love. He conquered our greatest enemy, our greatest fears, all our hurts, all our pains.
How could I not love someone with that much devotion and love for me? How could I not follow Him to the ends of the earth and through any circumstance when the love I feel for Him is too big to be contained inside me? How could I not share His love with others?
So my friends, have you taken a moment to think about the greatest love story of all time? Have you taken time to let Him woo you? He wants so desperately to make Himself real to you. He wants your heart to burst with love for Him as His heart bursts with love for you.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A Visit to the Wailing Wall...
When I was preparing to come teaching in China, I heard someone speaking about their international school. They said that they end every year at the "Wailing Wall" to say goodbye. At that time I have no idea why they would call their goodbye location the "wailing wall." I have gained a little international experience since then and I understand all too well why they would call it the "wailing wall."
Imagine just for a moment...you are at school and your friend announces that they are moving away in two weeks. In America, the short notice would have shocked you, but here companies announce on very short notice that they want employees to move to another country on a regular basis. Also in America, you would have been sad to see your friend go, but there would have been promises to call each other and visit as soon as possible. Here, kids don't really promise to call (though email makes life a little easier). They don't promise they'll see you again. Most of the time when they say goodbye, they know it is forever. They know that you will never see that person again and they have said goodbye to so many people that they will enjoy every moment they have with that person, but they won't plan your future around them.
I know this sounds hearltess and cold, but an international person's life is based on the knowledge that people will leave. The longer you live in a transient community the more you get used to people leaving. One of the first questions you ask is "How long will you be here?" It's hard to admit, but I have a hard time getting to know people that I know have no intention of staying beyond a year or two. I don't want to give them a piece of my heart and have them take it away so soon. It is also easier to jump deep with people in an international community. I have no problem telling a person I know well about more intimate details of my life that I would only tell a good friend in America. Why is it easier? Because from the moment you meet, the clock is ticking. You only have so much time. You don't want to waste it.
So, today I visited the "wailing wall." We said goodbye to eight students in elementary today. I knew all the kids, though I knew some better than others. The ones I had taught had me wrapped around their little fingers. Today my heart broke a little as they took part of my heart with them. I'll miss them so much.
PS - In case you are wondering, our school visits the "wailing wall" anytime we need to, but Christmas and the end of the school year are definites.
Imagine just for a moment...you are at school and your friend announces that they are moving away in two weeks. In America, the short notice would have shocked you, but here companies announce on very short notice that they want employees to move to another country on a regular basis. Also in America, you would have been sad to see your friend go, but there would have been promises to call each other and visit as soon as possible. Here, kids don't really promise to call (though email makes life a little easier). They don't promise they'll see you again. Most of the time when they say goodbye, they know it is forever. They know that you will never see that person again and they have said goodbye to so many people that they will enjoy every moment they have with that person, but they won't plan your future around them.
I know this sounds hearltess and cold, but an international person's life is based on the knowledge that people will leave. The longer you live in a transient community the more you get used to people leaving. One of the first questions you ask is "How long will you be here?" It's hard to admit, but I have a hard time getting to know people that I know have no intention of staying beyond a year or two. I don't want to give them a piece of my heart and have them take it away so soon. It is also easier to jump deep with people in an international community. I have no problem telling a person I know well about more intimate details of my life that I would only tell a good friend in America. Why is it easier? Because from the moment you meet, the clock is ticking. You only have so much time. You don't want to waste it.
So, today I visited the "wailing wall." We said goodbye to eight students in elementary today. I knew all the kids, though I knew some better than others. The ones I had taught had me wrapped around their little fingers. Today my heart broke a little as they took part of my heart with them. I'll miss them so much.
PS - In case you are wondering, our school visits the "wailing wall" anytime we need to, but Christmas and the end of the school year are definites.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Chinese Cake? Or Is It?
I hate Chinese cakes. Every time I am confronted with one that I have to eat, I force it down as quickly as possible.
So, what is Chinese cake like and why do I hate it so much? Imagine a yummy chocolate cake. Do you have it? Now reduce the amount of chocolate and sugar by half. Then cover that cake in two very thick layers of whipped cream...also again with almost no sugar. Then take that rather unsweet cake and cover it in unsweetened, often times tart, fruit. And I don't mean a few pieces. I mean the layer between the two pieces of cake is completely full of fruit and the top of the cake is layered in fruit as well. Let me just tell you that the effect isn't unpleasant, but it isn't really good either.
Today a friend emailed us to say that there was extra cake in the teacher's lounge from a birthday party. What compelled me? I have NO idea, but I went up for a piece. It was just as unsatisfying as I thought it would be. While I was there another foreigner and a Chinese staff member walked in. I told them that there was Chinese cake there to eat. The Chinese staff member looked shocked. She said, "Chinese cake? That isn't Western cake?" We both stared at each other shocked for several seconds. I suddenly realized that the horrible cake I had been eating for four years was actually China's version of Western cake. We kept talking and I discovered that not only did I hate the cake, but the Chinese staff members hate the cake too. I'm not sure why I found the whole situation amusing, but I'm still laughing. I think I might keep laughing every time I eat the cake after this. Here's to the Chinese versions of Western things. They don't always turn out right...I guess we do the same thing to their Chinese food.
So, what is Chinese cake like and why do I hate it so much? Imagine a yummy chocolate cake. Do you have it? Now reduce the amount of chocolate and sugar by half. Then cover that cake in two very thick layers of whipped cream...also again with almost no sugar. Then take that rather unsweet cake and cover it in unsweetened, often times tart, fruit. And I don't mean a few pieces. I mean the layer between the two pieces of cake is completely full of fruit and the top of the cake is layered in fruit as well. Let me just tell you that the effect isn't unpleasant, but it isn't really good either.
Today a friend emailed us to say that there was extra cake in the teacher's lounge from a birthday party. What compelled me? I have NO idea, but I went up for a piece. It was just as unsatisfying as I thought it would be. While I was there another foreigner and a Chinese staff member walked in. I told them that there was Chinese cake there to eat. The Chinese staff member looked shocked. She said, "Chinese cake? That isn't Western cake?" We both stared at each other shocked for several seconds. I suddenly realized that the horrible cake I had been eating for four years was actually China's version of Western cake. We kept talking and I discovered that not only did I hate the cake, but the Chinese staff members hate the cake too. I'm not sure why I found the whole situation amusing, but I'm still laughing. I think I might keep laughing every time I eat the cake after this. Here's to the Chinese versions of Western things. They don't always turn out right...I guess we do the same thing to their Chinese food.
Monday, November 28, 2011
On Losing One's Voice
This morning I woke up feeling a little crummy. I've been fighting a cold for about a week now, but so far it had only meant that I was spending a little too much time bonding with my tissue box. I got through the morning feeling great and made monkey bread with my kids. (Which they loved and were extremely excited about.) Then lunch came. I sat down with the other elementary teachers to eat lunch and noticed that each sentence came out a little lower and it was a little harder to get out. Within 5-10 minutes I had completely lost my voice. I had a frog in my throat. I sounded like a man. No matter how you put it, talking had now become hard and slightly painful.
My dear friend and co-teacher, Karen, saved me and took me class for the rest of the day so I could rest my voice. She is wonderful. But, I don't know why, but when I lose my voice I suddenly feel like I have SO much to say. As the day continued I continually felt myself clamping my lips shut so I wouldn't talk. Why is it that when I can't talk is when I am most desperate to do it? And there is the added bonus that I find the whole process of losing one's voice very entertaining. It's the only time I sound like a man (thank God) and I almost want to burst out laughing every time I utter a word because I sound so ridiculous.
Today was also an interesting revelation on how China has changed me. In America when I lost my voice I would reach for cough drops or a large mug of peppermint tea. After having lived in China for several years, when I lost my voice I didn't think for one moment about the cough drops or mint tea in my desk. I immediately went and filled up a mug with hot water. Nothing else. Just hot water. (In China hot water is the cure for anything and everything.) It wasn't until after drinking hot water for two hours straight that I remembered my mint tea.
So here's to remembered mint tea, hot water, no voice, and sending lots of emails/writing blog posts to get all my words out. :)
My dear friend and co-teacher, Karen, saved me and took me class for the rest of the day so I could rest my voice. She is wonderful. But, I don't know why, but when I lose my voice I suddenly feel like I have SO much to say. As the day continued I continually felt myself clamping my lips shut so I wouldn't talk. Why is it that when I can't talk is when I am most desperate to do it? And there is the added bonus that I find the whole process of losing one's voice very entertaining. It's the only time I sound like a man (thank God) and I almost want to burst out laughing every time I utter a word because I sound so ridiculous.
Today was also an interesting revelation on how China has changed me. In America when I lost my voice I would reach for cough drops or a large mug of peppermint tea. After having lived in China for several years, when I lost my voice I didn't think for one moment about the cough drops or mint tea in my desk. I immediately went and filled up a mug with hot water. Nothing else. Just hot water. (In China hot water is the cure for anything and everything.) It wasn't until after drinking hot water for two hours straight that I remembered my mint tea.
So here's to remembered mint tea, hot water, no voice, and sending lots of emails/writing blog posts to get all my words out. :)
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thanksgiving Cheer Abroad
Today I had my fifth Thanksgiving in China. Every year but one I have had the privilege of celebrating this holiday. I have always loved Thanksgivings, but they seem even more special in China. Please don't think that this means I don't miss my family. I do. My heart is aching just a little right now to be with them, but not having there here has become easier because it's normal to miss them and I'll be with them again soon.
So to give you a taste of what my Thanksgiving looked like this year, I want to, fir just a minute, take you on a walk in my Thanksgiving shoes.
It begins two weeks before Thanksgiving. A Chinese friend says she has found turkeys (they are only available for about one month a year) and we need to order them now to make sure we get ours. A week later I pick up my turkey from her home. My nineteen pound turkey costs about $60. The turkey is so big (or my fridge is so small) that it takes up about half of my refrigerator which is it's home for the next several days.
On Thursday morning, I wake up and go to school. Yes, I work on Thanksgiving every year. Half way through the school day the kids go home and I have meetings for the rest of the day. I finally get home around 5pm and eat Chinese dumplings for dinner. But don't worry, it doesn't bother me. I don't even feel like it's Thanksgiving. I'm going to celebrate on Saturday so I feel like the holiday hasn't come yet.
Friday morning I have no school so after sleeping in until 9am (3.5 hours later than normal), I call my family. They have just finished eating Thanksgiving dinner and I talk to them for a couple of hours before getting up to begin cooking for the next day. During the course of the day I make a carrot cake, homemade eggnog, and a loaf of bread.
On Saturday morning a friend (who wanted to cook the turkey way more than I did) came over, did wonderful magical things to the turkey, and put it in the oven. An hour later (around 11) my friends started coming over. Dinner was beginning at 5pm and friends slowly but steadily arrived to cook food, spend time together, watch movies, grade, and spend time together.
5pm finally arrived and by then about 25 people were in my home. There was so much food on the table and counters that we brought down a friend's table to handle the overflow. So much wonderful food! I'll be honest and tell you I made three trips to the table and one over to the desserts. I was stuffed. Then the true fun began. We started talking and laughing together.
As we spent more and more time together I was reminded of how unique and wonderful this experience was. There were Americans and at least 6 other nationalities in my home celebrating together. People in America always like to ask me if I miss home and if I miss my family. The answer to those questions is sometimes I miss America. Some days I miss it more than others. And, of course I miss my family. But what they don't realize is America isn't my home anymore. China is. And I have an adoptive family that I love and who loves me back. It's so hard to feel lonely when you are so surrounded by people you never thought you would have the privilege of knowing and loving.
So my dear friends in America, China and all around the world, I love you. I am thankful for you. I don't know what I would do without you. You are what makes the place I live my home. Thank you so much for being a part of my life.
Ok, I'm done being sappy now. :) Happy Thanksgiving!
So to give you a taste of what my Thanksgiving looked like this year, I want to, fir just a minute, take you on a walk in my Thanksgiving shoes.
It begins two weeks before Thanksgiving. A Chinese friend says she has found turkeys (they are only available for about one month a year) and we need to order them now to make sure we get ours. A week later I pick up my turkey from her home. My nineteen pound turkey costs about $60. The turkey is so big (or my fridge is so small) that it takes up about half of my refrigerator which is it's home for the next several days.
On Thursday morning, I wake up and go to school. Yes, I work on Thanksgiving every year. Half way through the school day the kids go home and I have meetings for the rest of the day. I finally get home around 5pm and eat Chinese dumplings for dinner. But don't worry, it doesn't bother me. I don't even feel like it's Thanksgiving. I'm going to celebrate on Saturday so I feel like the holiday hasn't come yet.
Friday morning I have no school so after sleeping in until 9am (3.5 hours later than normal), I call my family. They have just finished eating Thanksgiving dinner and I talk to them for a couple of hours before getting up to begin cooking for the next day. During the course of the day I make a carrot cake, homemade eggnog, and a loaf of bread.
On Saturday morning a friend (who wanted to cook the turkey way more than I did) came over, did wonderful magical things to the turkey, and put it in the oven. An hour later (around 11) my friends started coming over. Dinner was beginning at 5pm and friends slowly but steadily arrived to cook food, spend time together, watch movies, grade, and spend time together.
5pm finally arrived and by then about 25 people were in my home. There was so much food on the table and counters that we brought down a friend's table to handle the overflow. So much wonderful food! I'll be honest and tell you I made three trips to the table and one over to the desserts. I was stuffed. Then the true fun began. We started talking and laughing together.
As we spent more and more time together I was reminded of how unique and wonderful this experience was. There were Americans and at least 6 other nationalities in my home celebrating together. People in America always like to ask me if I miss home and if I miss my family. The answer to those questions is sometimes I miss America. Some days I miss it more than others. And, of course I miss my family. But what they don't realize is America isn't my home anymore. China is. And I have an adoptive family that I love and who loves me back. It's so hard to feel lonely when you are so surrounded by people you never thought you would have the privilege of knowing and loving.
So my dear friends in America, China and all around the world, I love you. I am thankful for you. I don't know what I would do without you. You are what makes the place I live my home. Thank you so much for being a part of my life.
Ok, I'm done being sappy now. :) Happy Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Looking for Prince Charming
When I was a little girl, I ready fairy tales and watch movies where Prince Charming starred as the hero. As a little girl I dreamed about one day being rescued by a handsome man who just happened to live in a big castle and ride a beautiful white horse. The other girls around me dreamed similar dreams of being whisked off into "happily ever after." As I and the other girls of my generation have grown, we have realized that Prince Charming is just about as real as Santa Claus. He is nice bedtime story to give us sweet dreams, but not so good for reality. We are looking for something more realistic.
As I have grown older, I have become more and more independent. The American culture is teaching girls how to take care of themselves. Despite all this cultural training, I have to say, that the dream of being cared for has never died. Deep down every single girl out there, whether younger, older, tomboy, girly-girl, independent, or dependent, we all still want someone to come rescue us. Someone to hold us when we are tired, scared, or just don't want to be strong any more.
I have to say though, since our generation (and the previous generation) have discovered that Prince Charming is not real, we have developed a new modern day Prince Charming. His persona is that of the superhero. Tonight I sat watching the newly released Captain America with a friend and we kept commenting on how handsome he was, how cool it would be if a guy was that strong and what it would be like to have that guy want you. I realized then that "Prince Charming" still exists, he is just stronger now because the girls who wanted Prince Charming now want someone stronger. Someone who truly can save them.
Now, here is where I tell you that the reason for this deep desire for Prince Charming is because we need the Father to rescue us. The desire to be rescued is Him calling to us and bringing us to Himself. He is the true Prince Charming. THANK YOU FATHER! I am so happy to tell you that even our recent shift in our view of who our hero is, the Father still fits the bill. He is stronger than any superhero, he can top all of us in the wits department, he has no secret/hidden weakness, loves us more than a knight come to rescue us, he has a whole universe and more (makes the castle pale in comparison), and he even has a white horse (see Revelation). I am so excited to be wooed by the only true superhero and Prince Charming that exists. And while I wait for him to arrive to whisk me off on his white stead to his faraway kingdom, I'm going to keep dreaming of and preparing for the day when he finally comes.
And while I wait for my true Prince Charming, I'm going to try to give the males on this planet a break. They will never be THE Prince Charming, but they can reflect who He is and that is a very very beautiful and attractive thing. So thank you to the boys who try to be like the Father. I hope I have the privilege of having one of you love me someday. :)
As I have grown older, I have become more and more independent. The American culture is teaching girls how to take care of themselves. Despite all this cultural training, I have to say, that the dream of being cared for has never died. Deep down every single girl out there, whether younger, older, tomboy, girly-girl, independent, or dependent, we all still want someone to come rescue us. Someone to hold us when we are tired, scared, or just don't want to be strong any more.
I have to say though, since our generation (and the previous generation) have discovered that Prince Charming is not real, we have developed a new modern day Prince Charming. His persona is that of the superhero. Tonight I sat watching the newly released Captain America with a friend and we kept commenting on how handsome he was, how cool it would be if a guy was that strong and what it would be like to have that guy want you. I realized then that "Prince Charming" still exists, he is just stronger now because the girls who wanted Prince Charming now want someone stronger. Someone who truly can save them.
Now, here is where I tell you that the reason for this deep desire for Prince Charming is because we need the Father to rescue us. The desire to be rescued is Him calling to us and bringing us to Himself. He is the true Prince Charming. THANK YOU FATHER! I am so happy to tell you that even our recent shift in our view of who our hero is, the Father still fits the bill. He is stronger than any superhero, he can top all of us in the wits department, he has no secret/hidden weakness, loves us more than a knight come to rescue us, he has a whole universe and more (makes the castle pale in comparison), and he even has a white horse (see Revelation). I am so excited to be wooed by the only true superhero and Prince Charming that exists. And while I wait for him to arrive to whisk me off on his white stead to his faraway kingdom, I'm going to keep dreaming of and preparing for the day when he finally comes.
And while I wait for my true Prince Charming, I'm going to try to give the males on this planet a break. They will never be THE Prince Charming, but they can reflect who He is and that is a very very beautiful and attractive thing. So thank you to the boys who try to be like the Father. I hope I have the privilege of having one of you love me someday. :)
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
On Learning a Second Language
Learning a second language is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's a fascinating and oh so frustrating series of twists and turns.
On Monday I was congratulating myself for explaining to my Chinese teacher that I needed to leave class early because I had a new student coming the next day and I needed to get things ready for him. I was speaking some Chinglish, but for the most part my words were Chinese sprinkled with the occasional English word. Today I walked into class and while going over my mistakes on a test I teared up and almost walked out. There was no way I was ever going to be able to get this right. Luckily my teacher saw the tears welling in my eyes and we quickly put the test away and worked on writing Chinese characters the whole class (deep sigh of relief...characters don't require you to speak). By the end of the lesson I was laughing again and no longer wanted to burn my Chinese book so I think all is well now. Then I'm back to thinking my Chinese isn't too bad when I'm having simple conversations with taxi drivers or helping a first-year (a foreigner who just moved here) communicate. And then the next day you are practicing saying "shopping mall" with your Chinese teacher and accidentally say something like "to get laid." Oh Chinese...
Needless to say these frustrations have given me a great deal of perspective on people learning a second language. Every single one of my students is learning at least two languages. Some of them are learning three. My first year I would chuckle when they said he when they meant she or vice versa. Now after having said I instead of she or you multiple times when speaking Chinese, I no longer laugh. I just gently correct them and we move on. No worries. They'll get it eventually. Hopefully I will too.
On Monday I was congratulating myself for explaining to my Chinese teacher that I needed to leave class early because I had a new student coming the next day and I needed to get things ready for him. I was speaking some Chinglish, but for the most part my words were Chinese sprinkled with the occasional English word. Today I walked into class and while going over my mistakes on a test I teared up and almost walked out. There was no way I was ever going to be able to get this right. Luckily my teacher saw the tears welling in my eyes and we quickly put the test away and worked on writing Chinese characters the whole class (deep sigh of relief...characters don't require you to speak). By the end of the lesson I was laughing again and no longer wanted to burn my Chinese book so I think all is well now. Then I'm back to thinking my Chinese isn't too bad when I'm having simple conversations with taxi drivers or helping a first-year (a foreigner who just moved here) communicate. And then the next day you are practicing saying "shopping mall" with your Chinese teacher and accidentally say something like "to get laid." Oh Chinese...
Needless to say these frustrations have given me a great deal of perspective on people learning a second language. Every single one of my students is learning at least two languages. Some of them are learning three. My first year I would chuckle when they said he when they meant she or vice versa. Now after having said I instead of she or you multiple times when speaking Chinese, I no longer laugh. I just gently correct them and we move on. No worries. They'll get it eventually. Hopefully I will too.
Monday, October 24, 2011
I Still Can't Believe I Live Here
This afternoon as I rode the bus home, I had the privilege of watching a fantastically beautiful sunset. The sun had was setting behind a mountain and because of the reflection on the clouds, it looked like the sky was on fire. To make things even more beautiful, the red and orange colors lighting up the sky also reflected off the buildings downtown and the ocean. It was simply breath-taking. And the thought popped into my head, "I just can't believe I live here."
This is my fourth year in China. My first year, every day I woke up I would say to myself, "I can't believe I live here." I can tell you that after living here for 1,186 days, I often find myself saying, "I can't believe I live here." I never imagined this adventure for myself. A few years ago, I was the kind of girl who wanted to stay in her hometown her whole life, gets married, and take care of a family. But then Dad got a hold of my life and now I'm living an adventure bigger than I could have ever dreamed. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. His dreams have replaced mine and I couldn't be happier. His dreams are SO MUCH BIGGER.
So, thank you Daddy. I love every moment my life is in your hands. I truly cannot imagine where I would be without you. And even though I'm so glad you did, I have no idea why you would pick me. But you do keep telling me that your name is glorified in my weakness. I am going to say that is a good enough answer for me. :)
And I still can't believe that I get to live here.
This is my fourth year in China. My first year, every day I woke up I would say to myself, "I can't believe I live here." I can tell you that after living here for 1,186 days, I often find myself saying, "I can't believe I live here." I never imagined this adventure for myself. A few years ago, I was the kind of girl who wanted to stay in her hometown her whole life, gets married, and take care of a family. But then Dad got a hold of my life and now I'm living an adventure bigger than I could have ever dreamed. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. His dreams have replaced mine and I couldn't be happier. His dreams are SO MUCH BIGGER.
So, thank you Daddy. I love every moment my life is in your hands. I truly cannot imagine where I would be without you. And even though I'm so glad you did, I have no idea why you would pick me. But you do keep telling me that your name is glorified in my weakness. I am going to say that is a good enough answer for me. :)
And I still can't believe that I get to live here.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
The Power of Good Company
I love being alone. I truly am a person who enjoys her own company. The thought of not saying an entire word all day or having the house to myself sounds amazing. I am a true introvert. In fact, I didn't really talk very much until college. Even now, I would rather listen than speak. However thanks to some great friends in college, I learned that there is good to be found in carrying a conversation and in good company.
I've been reminded of this multiple times this year. I am convinced that this is the best year I have spent in China...well, at least on the social front. I have had the privilege of beginning several new wonderful friendships and strengthening those friendships that I already had. Every time I spend even a few moments with these friends, I am amazed at how happy, blessed, and peaceful I feel afterward.
So my dear friends, I am so thankful you are in my life. I am thankful for the moments you make me laugh. I am thankful for the moments you challenge me. I am thankful for the moments you laugh at me. I am thankful for the moments we collapse on my/your couch and watch a movie or play a game. I am thankful for all your emails, phone calls, and texts. I am thankful for the walks. I am thankful when we eat dinner together. I am thankful for the moments you help me see that I am wrong. I am thankful for the moments you hold me when I cry. I am thankful for every moment with you. Thank you for being part of my life.
I've been reminded of this multiple times this year. I am convinced that this is the best year I have spent in China...well, at least on the social front. I have had the privilege of beginning several new wonderful friendships and strengthening those friendships that I already had. Every time I spend even a few moments with these friends, I am amazed at how happy, blessed, and peaceful I feel afterward.
So my dear friends, I am so thankful you are in my life. I am thankful for the moments you make me laugh. I am thankful for the moments you challenge me. I am thankful for the moments you laugh at me. I am thankful for the moments we collapse on my/your couch and watch a movie or play a game. I am thankful for all your emails, phone calls, and texts. I am thankful for the walks. I am thankful when we eat dinner together. I am thankful for the moments you help me see that I am wrong. I am thankful for the moments you hold me when I cry. I am thankful for every moment with you. Thank you for being part of my life.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
10 Random Facts About China
1. People in China believe you should wear warm clothing from National Holiday (Oct 1) to May Holiday (May 1) no matter how hot it gets outside. If you wear anything but warm clothing during that time period, you will constantly be asked whether or not you are cold.
2. Driving on the wrong side of the road is totally legit in China...even when that side of the road is already occupied.
3. Lanes on the road and stop lights are often suggestions rather than rules.
4. Horn honking is a form of communication in China. It means, "I'm coming, move over." "Look out!" "The light is green. GO!" "You are driving down the middle of a two lane road. Pick a side." etc.
5. Fireworks are legit any hour of the day (even daytime). They are used to celebrate holidays, weddings, new babies, new homes, etc. Fireworks go off about 20 hours a day for 3 weeks straight during Chinese New Year.
6. There are doors on most Chinese kitchens so that the rest of the house doesn't get "dirty" when you cook. Almost every Chinese dish is cooked in a wok with oil.
7. Friends often hold each others hands. Usually only girls do this, but I have seen a few guys do it too.
8. Guys usually carry their girlfriends/wives purses.
9. Chinese people decorate with things Americans would call "cheesy." For example, giant flowers, childish prints, large prints, cartoon characters, etc.
10. Chinese books/movies won't typically feature a superhero or someone saving the world. It is more likely to feature an entire community working together to save themselves. This is because of a mindset focused on everyone rather than oneself.
2. Driving on the wrong side of the road is totally legit in China...even when that side of the road is already occupied.
3. Lanes on the road and stop lights are often suggestions rather than rules.
4. Horn honking is a form of communication in China. It means, "I'm coming, move over." "Look out!" "The light is green. GO!" "You are driving down the middle of a two lane road. Pick a side." etc.
5. Fireworks are legit any hour of the day (even daytime). They are used to celebrate holidays, weddings, new babies, new homes, etc. Fireworks go off about 20 hours a day for 3 weeks straight during Chinese New Year.
6. There are doors on most Chinese kitchens so that the rest of the house doesn't get "dirty" when you cook. Almost every Chinese dish is cooked in a wok with oil.
7. Friends often hold each others hands. Usually only girls do this, but I have seen a few guys do it too.
8. Guys usually carry their girlfriends/wives purses.
9. Chinese people decorate with things Americans would call "cheesy." For example, giant flowers, childish prints, large prints, cartoon characters, etc.
10. Chinese books/movies won't typically feature a superhero or someone saving the world. It is more likely to feature an entire community working together to save themselves. This is because of a mindset focused on everyone rather than oneself.
Kid's Perspective on Being Pregnant
Yesterday I had a hilarious conversation with the second graders. Before I tell you though, here's some background info. Our school gives each elementary classroom a teaching assistant (TA). The TA's are all Chinese. Since my co-teacher, Karen, is out, I have two TA's this week. Karen's TA is going on maternity leave in a few weeks because her baby is due the end of October.
Student 1: Miss Keller, do you have a baby?
Me: No, you have to be married to have a baby and I don't have a husband.
Student 1: Mrs. J (Karen's TA) has a husband.
Me: Your right. She does. Which is why she's having a baby soon. Did you know Mrs. W (my TA) has a baby?
At this point every single kid starts staring at her stomach and looking for evidence.
Mrs. W.: My baby has already been born.
At this point there was a very audible, "Oh."
Student 2: Miss Keller, Mrs. J looks like she swallowed a basketball. She's got a huge tummy.
I couldn't breath from laughing so hard.
More random facts about having babies in China...
- Most Chinese babies are born by C-section because doctors convince paranoid mothers that it is safer.
- Most Chinese are only allowed to have one baby, but if you and your husband are both only children, you can have two. You can also pay to have a second baby.
- Chinese believe that a baby and the mother should not leave the home for the first 90 days of the babies life.
- Most Chinese women wear overalls their entire pregnancy.
- A Chinese woman will not use a copier when pregnant because "the radiation might hurt that baby."
- Chinese women eat themselves silly while pregnant because they think they need to gain a lot of weight.
- Most foreigners go to Beijing to have their babies because there is a hospital there that is fairly Western. Chinese hospitals are really different from Western hospitals.
Student 1: Miss Keller, do you have a baby?
Me: No, you have to be married to have a baby and I don't have a husband.
Student 1: Mrs. J (Karen's TA) has a husband.
Me: Your right. She does. Which is why she's having a baby soon. Did you know Mrs. W (my TA) has a baby?
At this point every single kid starts staring at her stomach and looking for evidence.
Mrs. W.: My baby has already been born.
At this point there was a very audible, "Oh."
Student 2: Miss Keller, Mrs. J looks like she swallowed a basketball. She's got a huge tummy.
I couldn't breath from laughing so hard.
More random facts about having babies in China...
- Most Chinese babies are born by C-section because doctors convince paranoid mothers that it is safer.
- Most Chinese are only allowed to have one baby, but if you and your husband are both only children, you can have two. You can also pay to have a second baby.
- Chinese believe that a baby and the mother should not leave the home for the first 90 days of the babies life.
- Most Chinese women wear overalls their entire pregnancy.
- A Chinese woman will not use a copier when pregnant because "the radiation might hurt that baby."
- Chinese women eat themselves silly while pregnant because they think they need to gain a lot of weight.
- Most foreigners go to Beijing to have their babies because there is a hospital there that is fairly Western. Chinese hospitals are really different from Western hospitals.
Monday, October 10, 2011
One Very Full Life
It's been ages since I blogged. I've really been wanting to, but there never seems to be enough time. It seems that September got progressively more and more busy until the point where I am now collapsing into bed each night completely exhausted. I will not complain though. I love my life and I'm having a great time. Here's some highlights from the last couple weeks.
I had eight 3rd grade girls over to my house on a Saturday for 5 hours. We danced, played, cooked, and watched a movie. I actually met my downstairs neighbor when we started having a little too much fun. Oops...
I just finished teaching a unit to my second graders about dinosaurs. My co-teacher and I hung 6 dinosaurs that were about 5 feet tall. We taught words like camouflage, carnivore, herbivore, predator, prey, and more. The kids LOVED it. Now we are moving onto health. I just hope they love this unit as much as the last.
Last week was Fall Break. We actually call it National Holiday because they celebrated the anniversary of communist China. During this break, all the foreign teachers went up to BJ for a conference. My co-teacher and I presented lapbooks to a small group of teachers. (If you don't know what they are, you should google them...they are awesome!) We finished very early, but it was fun to watch all the teachers sit and collaborate. :)
My co-teacher, Karen, had knee surgery just a little over a week ago. She is home ridden (well she's supposed to be) for two weeks so I'm currently teaching both second grades. It's only eighteen kids, but my room really is too small for that many bodies. However, I'm loving it. I like it when things are different than normal. It's fun. But, I did feel bad when one of my students burst into tears because I didn't notice her trying to get me attention for a rather long period of time. Sorry sweetheart. Now, to collapse into bed exhausted so I can do it again tomorrow. :) Well...maybe I should wait a few more hours before collapsing. The last time I went to bed at 7pm, I was wide awake at 1:30 in the morning. Not something I feel the need to repeat. :)
Lastly, I just finished reading Jane Eyre a few days ago. I can't believe I've never read it before. It's a long book and some of the language is difficult, but it was so worth the read. Charlotte Bronte really did a good job of giving you a look inside the characters heads. I didn't agree with most of what they did, but I truly understood why they did what they did. Really, you should read it if you have the opportunity. I will probably read it again sometime this year. :)
Ok, that's it for now. No deep thoughts for today. Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive and very busy. Have I mentioned lately that I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world?
I had eight 3rd grade girls over to my house on a Saturday for 5 hours. We danced, played, cooked, and watched a movie. I actually met my downstairs neighbor when we started having a little too much fun. Oops...
I just finished teaching a unit to my second graders about dinosaurs. My co-teacher and I hung 6 dinosaurs that were about 5 feet tall. We taught words like camouflage, carnivore, herbivore, predator, prey, and more. The kids LOVED it. Now we are moving onto health. I just hope they love this unit as much as the last.
Last week was Fall Break. We actually call it National Holiday because they celebrated the anniversary of communist China. During this break, all the foreign teachers went up to BJ for a conference. My co-teacher and I presented lapbooks to a small group of teachers. (If you don't know what they are, you should google them...they are awesome!) We finished very early, but it was fun to watch all the teachers sit and collaborate. :)
My co-teacher, Karen, had knee surgery just a little over a week ago. She is home ridden (well she's supposed to be) for two weeks so I'm currently teaching both second grades. It's only eighteen kids, but my room really is too small for that many bodies. However, I'm loving it. I like it when things are different than normal. It's fun. But, I did feel bad when one of my students burst into tears because I didn't notice her trying to get me attention for a rather long period of time. Sorry sweetheart. Now, to collapse into bed exhausted so I can do it again tomorrow. :) Well...maybe I should wait a few more hours before collapsing. The last time I went to bed at 7pm, I was wide awake at 1:30 in the morning. Not something I feel the need to repeat. :)
Lastly, I just finished reading Jane Eyre a few days ago. I can't believe I've never read it before. It's a long book and some of the language is difficult, but it was so worth the read. Charlotte Bronte really did a good job of giving you a look inside the characters heads. I didn't agree with most of what they did, but I truly understood why they did what they did. Really, you should read it if you have the opportunity. I will probably read it again sometime this year. :)
Ok, that's it for now. No deep thoughts for today. Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive and very busy. Have I mentioned lately that I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world?
Friday, September 23, 2011
My Personality
I have taken many personality tests over the years and my favorite has been the Myer-Briggs. According to that test, I am an ISFJ. Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. If you are curious about what I am truly like, the below copied profile from personalitypage.com gets me pretty spot on.
The Nurturer
"As an ISFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you takes things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.
"ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best.
"ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.
"ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing systems are there because they work. Therefore, they're not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they're shown in a concrete way why its better than the established method.
"ISFJs learn best by doing, rather than by reading about something in a book, or applying theory. For this reason, they are not likely to be found in fields which require a lot of conceptual analysis or theory. They value practical application. Traditional methods of higher education, which require a lot of theorizing and abstraction, are likely to be a chore for the ISFJ. The ISFJ learns a task best by being shown its practical application. Once the task is learned, and its practical importance is understood, the ISFJ will faithfully and tirelessly carry through the task to completion. The ISFJ is extremely dependable.
The ISFJ has an extremely well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. For that reason, they're likely to have beautifully furnished, functional homes. They make extremely good interior decorators. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other's feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers - finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.
"More so than other types, ISFJs are extremely aware of their own internal feelings, as well as other people's feelings. They do not usually express their own feelings, keeping things inside. If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside the ISFJ until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set. Many ISFJs learn to express themselves, and find outlets for their powerful emotions.
Just as the ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings.
"The ISFJ feels a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. The ISFJ has a difficult time saying "no" when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, the ISFJ does not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people's needs over their own. The ISFJ needs to learn to identify, value, and express their own needs, if they wish to avoid becoming over-worked and taken for granted.
ISFJs need positive feedback from others. In the absence of positive feedback, or in the face of criticism, the ISFJ gets discouraged, and may even become depressed. When down on themselves or under great stress, the ISFJ begins to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life. They have strong feelings of inadequacy, and become convinced that "everything is all wrong", or "I can't do anything right".
"The ISFJ is warm, generous, and dependable. They have many special gifts to offer, in their sensitivity to others, and their strong ability to keep things running smoothly. They need to remember to not be overly critical of themselves, and to give themselves some of the warmth and love which they freely dispense to others."
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
10 Things I Love
10 - Reading
9 - Cooking
8 - Loving on others
7 - Teaching
6 - Children
5 - Cold Weather
4 - A good movie that makes me think for days
3 - Seeing my breath on a cold day
2 - Crunchy leaves
1 - My Abba
9 Reasons I Love Living in Qingdao
9 - Chinese people
8 - Getting to travel to "exotic" locations for vacations
7 - Learning another language
6 - A constant supply of fresh fruit
5 - The ocean
4 - The mountains
3 - My school
2 - The amazing international community
1 - It's where I belong during this point in time
8 Favorite Websites
8 - Facebook
7 - My email
6 - Blogger
5 - YouTube
4 - Bible Gateway
3 - Wikipedia
2 - Fast Pass TV
1 - Google
7 Favorite Ways to Spend Time Alone
7 - Watching a movie
6 - Reading a book
5 - Going for a walk
4 - Praying
3 - Late night grocery shopping (I really miss 24hr Walmarts)
2 - Doing Laundry
1 - Driving
6 Things that Drive Me Nuts
6 - People who talk incessantly
5 - People who can't spell/choose not to spell things right
4 - Repetitive Noises and Whistling
3 - Meetings
2 - Whiners
1 - Messes
5 Things I Love About My Job
5 - The kids
4 - Teaching a child something they didn't know before
3 - Seeing the light of understanding in a kid's eyes
2 - Have an excuse to be ridiculous whenever I want and no one judging me for it
1 - The people I work with are AMAZING!
4 Favorite Songs
4 - Captivated by Shawn McDonald
3 - Take Me Into the Beautiful by Cloverton
2 - If I Die Young by Band Perry
1 - Time by Hans Zimmer
3 Things I Most Thankful For
3 - My Abba
2 - My friends/family
1 - My job
2 Favorite Holidays
2 - Christmas
1 - Thanksgiving
1 Thing I Can't Live Without
1 - My Abba
10 - Reading
9 - Cooking
8 - Loving on others
7 - Teaching
6 - Children
5 - Cold Weather
4 - A good movie that makes me think for days
3 - Seeing my breath on a cold day
2 - Crunchy leaves
1 - My Abba
9 Reasons I Love Living in Qingdao
9 - Chinese people
8 - Getting to travel to "exotic" locations for vacations
7 - Learning another language
6 - A constant supply of fresh fruit
5 - The ocean
4 - The mountains
3 - My school
2 - The amazing international community
1 - It's where I belong during this point in time
8 Favorite Websites
8 - Facebook
7 - My email
6 - Blogger
5 - YouTube
4 - Bible Gateway
3 - Wikipedia
2 - Fast Pass TV
1 - Google
7 Favorite Ways to Spend Time Alone
7 - Watching a movie
6 - Reading a book
5 - Going for a walk
4 - Praying
3 - Late night grocery shopping (I really miss 24hr Walmarts)
2 - Doing Laundry
1 - Driving
6 Things that Drive Me Nuts
6 - People who talk incessantly
5 - People who can't spell/choose not to spell things right
4 - Repetitive Noises and Whistling
3 - Meetings
2 - Whiners
1 - Messes
5 Things I Love About My Job
5 - The kids
4 - Teaching a child something they didn't know before
3 - Seeing the light of understanding in a kid's eyes
2 - Have an excuse to be ridiculous whenever I want and no one judging me for it
1 - The people I work with are AMAZING!
4 Favorite Songs
4 - Captivated by Shawn McDonald
3 - Take Me Into the Beautiful by Cloverton
2 - If I Die Young by Band Perry
1 - Time by Hans Zimmer
3 Things I Most Thankful For
3 - My Abba
2 - My friends/family
1 - My job
2 Favorite Holidays
2 - Christmas
1 - Thanksgiving
1 Thing I Can't Live Without
1 - My Abba
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Whispers of Love
The last two weeks have been a series of strange contradictions.
On one had, I feel defeated and crushed...The enemy is fighting what Abba is doing in my life like he has never fought anything before. I am not sleeping, I am having nightmares, I am constantly fighting bad moods, I've been dealing with unexplainable pain. I'm a mess.
On the other hand (which thankful trumps all the bad) I have seen Abba do so many amazing things the last two weeks. This has happened in many ways.
I've found that part of my healing is telling others what I'm going through...and blogging about it. This goes against my nature as an extremely private person, but I have been blessed because of it. It seems that almost every time I tell someone, Abba blesses me. It might be through the words of the person I am talking to. I have heard him speak through others so many times the last two weeks and I know it is him because it's exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. It might be in a hug or some other touch. I had forgotten how much I love being hugged/touched...when did I bury that need? Other people have been essential to what is happening in my heart.
The other way Abba has been doing amazing things is through books. You all know that I am an avid reader. I'm not happy unless there is reading material within reach. It seems that Abba keeps using the words in his book as well as the words of others in their books to remind me of his love for me. Over and over he keeps telling me how precious I am to him, how much he loves me, how much he wants to be with me, how he wants me to desire him and rely on him. And I have to tell you, he is wooing me in a way I have never experienced before. I am falling head over heals for my Abba. He is leading me through this pain so that he can spend the rest of eternity showing me how much he loves me. How can I not be falling in love? I find myself constantly seeking to love and security of my Abba's arms.
Now, you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with forgiving her father? The answer is so very much. I am being taught what love is by the one who created it. By the one who is love. He is melting my heart with love so that I can be set free by that love and so that I can someday, somehow turn that back around and share it with my father. How am I going to do that? I have no idea. I'll let you know when he tells me...but I'm pretty sure it is going to hurt, but I am quickly discovering that freedom and love are worth it.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of his Son. - Phil. 1:6
On one had, I feel defeated and crushed...The enemy is fighting what Abba is doing in my life like he has never fought anything before. I am not sleeping, I am having nightmares, I am constantly fighting bad moods, I've been dealing with unexplainable pain. I'm a mess.
On the other hand (which thankful trumps all the bad) I have seen Abba do so many amazing things the last two weeks. This has happened in many ways.
I've found that part of my healing is telling others what I'm going through...and blogging about it. This goes against my nature as an extremely private person, but I have been blessed because of it. It seems that almost every time I tell someone, Abba blesses me. It might be through the words of the person I am talking to. I have heard him speak through others so many times the last two weeks and I know it is him because it's exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. It might be in a hug or some other touch. I had forgotten how much I love being hugged/touched...when did I bury that need? Other people have been essential to what is happening in my heart.
The other way Abba has been doing amazing things is through books. You all know that I am an avid reader. I'm not happy unless there is reading material within reach. It seems that Abba keeps using the words in his book as well as the words of others in their books to remind me of his love for me. Over and over he keeps telling me how precious I am to him, how much he loves me, how much he wants to be with me, how he wants me to desire him and rely on him. And I have to tell you, he is wooing me in a way I have never experienced before. I am falling head over heals for my Abba. He is leading me through this pain so that he can spend the rest of eternity showing me how much he loves me. How can I not be falling in love? I find myself constantly seeking to love and security of my Abba's arms.
Now, you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with forgiving her father? The answer is so very much. I am being taught what love is by the one who created it. By the one who is love. He is melting my heart with love so that I can be set free by that love and so that I can someday, somehow turn that back around and share it with my father. How am I going to do that? I have no idea. I'll let you know when he tells me...but I'm pretty sure it is going to hurt, but I am quickly discovering that freedom and love are worth it.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of his Son. - Phil. 1:6
Saturday, September 10, 2011
One Step at a Time...
This week has been one of the hardest and one of the best weeks of my life. Last Sunday (but really it began a very long time before then), my true Daddy told me that now was the time to deal with my feelings about my earthly father (who I will refer to as Michael from here on out to avoid confusion). You see, Michael is a verbally abusive alcoholic. After growing up with him and interacting with him for all of my 25 years, his behavior and words have told me over and over that I am worthless, unlovable, and a waste of space. In my head, I know these are lies, but my heart believes them. My heart believes I am fatally flawed and NO ONE (not even my true Daddy) can love me because of it.
This Sunday, I heard Daddy speak words to me from the mouths of others. I heard Him whisper to my heart and say you are loved, but you will never believe that until you confront your feelings about Michael. On Sunday, I was held and comforted by some of my closest friends and I poured 25 years of hurt at their feet. I cried more in one day than I have cried in the last year ( I HATE crying). At the end of the day, I felt exhuasted, but I also felt the first stirrings of freedom in my heart.
I've been waking up each morning asking my Daddy what the next step is. Sometimes the step is easy and sometimes it is hard. You see, forgiving Michael and trashing the lies in my heart will not happen overnight, next week, or probably anytime soon, but every day Daddy brings me a little closer to the freedom only He can offer. The realization that He loved me so much that He gave His life for me. Nothing will ever change that no matter what I do or what lie I believe. HE LOVES ME!
So every morning, I wake up and tell myself He loves me and I have friends that love me. Then I try to think of some of the friends who have shown over and over that they love me. I remind myself that I am His creation and no one can take my value away. I remind myself that nothing NOTHING can separate me from His love. And so far, I believe it 60% of the time...which is much better than the 20% of last week.
So dear friends, I am waging the battle of my life. I am feel like I'm succeeding now, but doubt sometimes overcomes me again. So, I need your help. I can't fight this battle alone. I have Daddy close to my side and His Words close as well. But I need you too. I need your hugs...your words of encouragement...I need you to ask how I'm doing and make sure I really tell you. There is no way I'll be able to believe I am lovable if I don't have my friends help guide me through this.
I love you and I need you.
This Sunday, I heard Daddy speak words to me from the mouths of others. I heard Him whisper to my heart and say you are loved, but you will never believe that until you confront your feelings about Michael. On Sunday, I was held and comforted by some of my closest friends and I poured 25 years of hurt at their feet. I cried more in one day than I have cried in the last year ( I HATE crying). At the end of the day, I felt exhuasted, but I also felt the first stirrings of freedom in my heart.
I've been waking up each morning asking my Daddy what the next step is. Sometimes the step is easy and sometimes it is hard. You see, forgiving Michael and trashing the lies in my heart will not happen overnight, next week, or probably anytime soon, but every day Daddy brings me a little closer to the freedom only He can offer. The realization that He loved me so much that He gave His life for me. Nothing will ever change that no matter what I do or what lie I believe. HE LOVES ME!
So every morning, I wake up and tell myself He loves me and I have friends that love me. Then I try to think of some of the friends who have shown over and over that they love me. I remind myself that I am His creation and no one can take my value away. I remind myself that nothing NOTHING can separate me from His love. And so far, I believe it 60% of the time...which is much better than the 20% of last week.
So dear friends, I am waging the battle of my life. I am feel like I'm succeeding now, but doubt sometimes overcomes me again. So, I need your help. I can't fight this battle alone. I have Daddy close to my side and His Words close as well. But I need you too. I need your hugs...your words of encouragement...I need you to ask how I'm doing and make sure I really tell you. There is no way I'll be able to believe I am lovable if I don't have my friends help guide me through this.
I love you and I need you.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Words from Him
Over the last three days I have had Dad speak to me very clearly through the words in His book and through friends. Here's what His book reminded me of last night...
The whole chapter spoke to my heart, but I put my favorite parts in bold.
The whole chapter spoke to my heart, but I put my favorite parts in bold.
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;
the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the LORD;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.
Then the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations also of the mountains trembled
and quaked, because he was angry.
Smoke went up from his nostrils,
and devouring fire from his mouth;
glowing coals flamed forth from him.
He bowed the heavens and came down;
thick darkness was under his feet.
He rode on a cherub and flew;
he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.
He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him,
thick clouds dark with water.
Out of the brightness before him
hailstones and coals of fire broke through his clouds.
The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
and the Most High uttered his voice,
hailstones and coals of fire.
And he sent out his arrows and scattered them;
he flashed forth lightnings and routed them.
Then the channels of the sea were seen,
and the foundations of the world were laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of the breath of your nostrils.
He sent from on high, he took me;
he drew me out of many waters.
He rescued me from my strong enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:1-19
I promise I will write more later, but this week has been insane. I can't wait to tell you what He has been doing. Until then, please be "thinking" for me.
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;
the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the LORD;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.
Then the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations also of the mountains trembled
and quaked, because he was angry.
Smoke went up from his nostrils,
and devouring fire from his mouth;
glowing coals flamed forth from him.
He bowed the heavens and came down;
thick darkness was under his feet.
He rode on a cherub and flew;
he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.
He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him,
thick clouds dark with water.
Out of the brightness before him
hailstones and coals of fire broke through his clouds.
The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
and the Most High uttered his voice,
hailstones and coals of fire.
And he sent out his arrows and scattered them;
he flashed forth lightnings and routed them.
Then the channels of the sea were seen,
and the foundations of the world were laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of the breath of your nostrils.
He sent from on high, he took me;
he drew me out of many waters.
He rescued me from my strong enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:1-19
I promise I will write more later, but this week has been insane. I can't wait to tell you what He has been doing. Until then, please be "thinking" for me.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
My first step...
Today I took my first step. My first step to freedom from a monster that has fed me lies I have believed my whole life. Today I took steps closer to a Father who will NEVER leave me no matter what I do. Today I dove deeper into friendships. Today I began the day terrified of my upcoming journey to freedom and ended the day scared, but excited. Today I fell a little more in love with my Father. Today I heard His words come from many mouths...words that brought me to my knees and brought tears to my eyes. Today I surrendered control and fear.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will continue on my journey. Tomorrow I will face the same lies and the same fear. But tomorrow I will know that many walk with my on my journey to freedom. Tomorrow I will know that I don't even have to walk...I just have to let my Father carry me. Tomorrow I will explain what this post means.
Tonight, I'm going to crawl into my bed and sleep with the arms of my Father wrapped around me knowing that nothing that is coming is bigger than Him. Tonight I'm going to remind myself, before the blanket of sleep wraps itself around me, that my Father loves me...NO MATTER WHAT I DO. Tonight I'm going to go to sleep thinking about a letter that a friend read in fellowship today that gave me the courage to start this journey. Tonight I'm going to share that letter with you too.
" Golgotha
Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will continue on my journey. Tomorrow I will face the same lies and the same fear. But tomorrow I will know that many walk with my on my journey to freedom. Tomorrow I will know that I don't even have to walk...I just have to let my Father carry me. Tomorrow I will explain what this post means.
Tonight, I'm going to crawl into my bed and sleep with the arms of my Father wrapped around me knowing that nothing that is coming is bigger than Him. Tonight I'm going to remind myself, before the blanket of sleep wraps itself around me, that my Father loves me...NO MATTER WHAT I DO. Tonight I'm going to go to sleep thinking about a letter that a friend read in fellowship today that gave me the courage to start this journey. Tonight I'm going to share that letter with you too.
" Golgotha
7/April/30
My Precious Child,
I know you. I knew you before I laid the foundations of the earth. Before I set the sun and moon in place, I saw your unformed body. I took great delight in creating you in the secret place – and I loved you ….so much.
My precious child. I know you. Even now, I see how you struggle. Your loneliness so often overwhelms you. It overwhelms me… now. I felt your pain as you screamed in frustration into your pillow. I was there -when in darkness you cried and cried. The dark thoughts which flood your mind whispering lies– even now surround me - filling my mind.
My precious child. I know you. I know that secret place in your heart. Nothing is hidden from me. I know your sin. All the doubts, the anger, the bitterness and jealousy…I know. Yes, my child even the lust…I know all about it…. sexual immorality, dishonesty, unfaithfulness. Even now they relentlessly attack me. Cutting deep into my flesh
My precious child, I know you. I see you right now – on the 4th of September 2011, 1981 years from this day. I love you so much – right now – that I choose to hang here, soon to die. I could call a legion of angels to come rescue me, but I choose to stay….for you.
Today as you hear my voice, don’t harden your heart. What is happening here, right now - changes everything! Look at me! I know you. I…..forgive you….completely.
Never forget,
Love,
Jesus"
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Amendment
I would like to make an amendment to my previous post. I thought of something else you should know about me.
I adore my mother. I am exactly like her in almost every way...something I am very proud of. She has given me the courage to do things like move to China and try new things. She's made me believe anything is possible and I really do matter. Where would I be without my wonderful mom?
PS - I really really like my little sister too! :) She's a lot of fun to hang out with and two more different people never existed. I kinda like that about us.
I adore my mother. I am exactly like her in almost every way...something I am very proud of. She has given me the courage to do things like move to China and try new things. She's made me believe anything is possible and I really do matter. Where would I be without my wonderful mom?
PS - I really really like my little sister too! :) She's a lot of fun to hang out with and two more different people never existed. I kinda like that about us.
30 Things You Should Know About Me
Warning: This post is full of things that I think you should know about me. The last couple are very personal. I am comfortable sharing them with you, but I don’t know if you are comfortable hearing them…yet. For that reason, I put the less personal things at the top and the most personal things at the bottom. If you read something that makes you uncomfortable, stop. It’s only going to get more personal from there.
1. I’m an introvert who loves people. I love to be with people. Before college I was extremely shy and hardly ever spoke to anyone. I met friends in college who taught me how to love people and I’ve swung to the other side. I like to talk to people a lot now, but I often burn myself out. I may hang out with you every day one week and not at all the next. Nothing personal. Just catching my “introverted” breath.
2. I love being alone. I am very happy with my own company.
3. I love to listen. I would rather listen than talk any day. Sometimes I’ll go a whole conversation without saying anything. It doesn’t mean I’m bored, it just means I’m listening and thinking.
4. I’m a thinker. I never do anything without thinking it through thoroughly first. I’ll usually mull things over for days, weeks, or sometimes longer before I am willing to talk about them, confront them, or do them.
5. I’m a gold. Since I started working in China our school has taken this personality test called “True Colors” a few times. My true color is gold. That means that I’m very organized. I usually have a plan and I’m the person you can count on to get something done. I dislike nothing more than someone who doesn’t “have all their ducks in a row” especially when I’m working with or for them.
6. I love adventure, but I have a weird definition of adventure. Adventure in my book is not going on a hike, exploring an exotic place, or getting lost in a foreign city. Adventure is anything that takes me out of my comfort zone. Adventure can be speaking in Chinese to someone on the phone. Adventure can be throwing my day’s lesson plans out the window and doing something different. Adventure can be singing in front of people.
7. I’m extremely easy to please. If I tell you I don’t care or it doesn’t matter I’m not trying to be a pain in your butt. I promise if I have an opinion I will let you know, but usually I’m most happy observing how things unfold. Usually, I don’t want to know the outcome of something before it happens.
8. My favorite thing in the world to do is read. I have loved reading since the 3rd grade and I’m not happy unless there is a book somewhere nearby. I ALWAYS have a book in my purse…no matter where I’m going or what I’m doing. I really struggle leaving my book at home when I’m just walking over to a friend’s house to hang out.
9. I love a good science fiction or fantasy book or film. Yes, I’m a bit of a nerd and proud of it.
10. I’m a massive klutz. There isn’t really any hope for me. I can trip or fall over anything…but most often it’s cracks in the sidewalk or my own feet. Luckily, I catch myself about 95% of the time so I’m only covered in bruises, scrapes, etc. a small portion of the time.
11. I always feel hot. I have tried twice to wear a winter coat, but it didn’t last long either time…maybe about 5 minutes. I’ve been in -17F weather before and I still couldn’t bring myself to put on a winter coat. I would rather be cold than hot any day. Some of my friends have nicknamed me “The Human Radiator” and one of my girlfriends likes to “snuggle” with me as we walk down the street in winter because she is cold. By the end of those experiences she has usually stopped shivering and I’ve either unbuttoned/unzipped my light coat or taken it off entirely.
12. I can sing pretty well. I have been told many times that I have a beautiful voice, but chances are that you will never hear me sing. I’m too shy to do it in front of people. I sing when I’m alone, to my class, and in church. So unless you catch me singing with I think I’m alone (has happened), are one of my students (had about 40 of those so far, but never over the age of 9), or stand next to me in church (that’s your best chance), you will probably never hear me sing.
13. I hate surprises. Especially surprise parties. If you want to throw me a surprise party, tell me you are planning a party, but I can’t know the details. I’m fine with that, but I don’t like being caught off guard. I like to know about things in advance and plan for them.
14. I’m usually happy and if I’m not happy I’m usually content. If I don’t feel content or happy I do my best to change a situation so that I do feel happy and content.
15. I very rarely get mad. Oh, I get frustrated fairly often (being a teacher will do that to you), but I don’t usually get mad. And if you get me mad, I don’t yell. I get stubborn, pig-headed, and silent, but I don’t yell.
16. I love to cook. If I don’t like something the first time I make it or I don’t like the process, I won’t make it again. Cooking is a huge de-stressor for me.
17. If I wasn’t a teacher I would like to be an editor. I love reading people’s papers, books, documents and editing them. Incorrect spelling drives me crazy and if I don’t know how to spell a word I won’t use it. It especially drives my nuts when people spell words wrong in emails and letters.
18. I love music. I listen to almost every kind of music, but what I’m listening to usually reflects my mood. For example: Pop and/or Christian music means I’m in a good/content mood. Soundtracks or other music without words means I need time alone (unless someone is over, then it is probably just background music). Heavy metal means I’m mad. Watch out! Music like Evanescence means I’m depressed. Etc. Luckily I don’t listen to heavy metal or Evanescence very often.
19. I adore my brother. My brother and I have been best friends since before I can remember. I see his flaws, but I have met few people I respect and adore as much as him. If I tell you that you remind me of my brother, it’s probably the highest compliment I could pay you.
20. I drink alcohol. I don’t drink very often, but occasionally I’ll have a drink. I like the way cocktails taste. I have made a vow never to drink more than two or three drinks. I hate being drunk and my father is an alcoholic. I don’t want to get caught in that trap. Just thought you should know.
21. I’m not very romantic. In fact, I refuse to read romance novels and a chick flick better be pretty good for me to like it. I can’t honestly say if I like a guy being romantic….I’ve never really dated a guy who is romantic.
22. I hate talking on the phone. I would rather text any day, but I’ll call you if I need an immediate answer or explaining what I want/need in a text is just too difficult.
23. I don’t cry. If I’m crying then either someone has died or my world is falling apart. If you ever see me cry, it means I am extremely comfortable with you or I’m at a point where I just can’t control my emotions any more.
24. My dream job is wife and mother. Since I was eleven years old I have been dreaming about what it would be like to by married and have a family. I believe that God will some day allow me to have that dream, but He hasn’t brought that guy yet. And I don’t plan to sit around and being sad about it. I would rather follow Him on an adventure any day.
25. I have done from crazy things (at least by my standard) at the prompting of the Father. If He asked me today, I would leave all I love behind and follow Him to the ends of the Earth…again. I’ve come to the conclusion that He really is all I need. I have a tattoo of a dandelion on my left shoulder (my favorite flower) and the words “Beloved One” next to the stem of the flower to remind me that God is taking care of me every moment of every day. Matthew 6:25-34
26. I don’t know how to flirt. Guys don’t worry. If I’m treating you really super nice it’s because I like being your friend. If I start acting like a spastic idiot I probably want to be more than your friend. Thank God there aren’t many guys in China cause looking like a spastic idiot doesn’t need to be a full time occupation.
27. I can be kind of dense. I don’t pick up on “subtle hints” very well. I can usually pick up on emotions, but I think a guy flirting with me is just a guy being nice or a friend trying to hint for me to leave…I completely miss it. It’s usually best to just tell me what is going on. I like people who are blunt.
28. My love language is well…I’m not sure. I think my love language is service. If I’m serving you, it is my way of showing my love for you. And honestly, I try to serve everyone I know…especially children. I really want to be known for my love. I think I accept love through quality time with people and physical touch, but I’m really specific about how people touch me.
29. I don’t know how to accept love. I’m learning how to accept love (it’s a long and painful process…read the next thing for more info), but I’m really bad at it. Please just be patient with me. Again, usually the best way to show me your love is telling me outright that you love me, by wanting to be with me, or the occasional hug.
30. I’m broken. My father is a verbally abusive alcoholic...but saying that doesn’t even begin to explain how bad living with his was. Because of things he did and said when I was growing up and things he says and does even now, I am completely broken. I struggle with low self-confidence. I don’t know how to let others love me. I have a wall around my broken heart a mile thick…I can’t bear for anyone to break my heart any more. If/When God brings me a husband, he will have to be a very patient man. My heart screams at me to back out of any kind of relationship before I get hurt. So, dear friends, if I ever start running away…please pursue me. Let me know you love me, value me, and want me around. That’s the greatest way you can show me your love. And you might have to do it a lot. God does it every single day and I still struggle to believe Him…and I don’t know how I could make it through a day without Him. (If you want to know more on this topic please ask. Chances are I will probably talk about it. I realized lately that I don’t have to be ashamed of it. Why do kids of abusive parent’s think it’s their fault? This is something I desperately need to talk about, but don’t know how to bring up. Talk about a real conversation stopper.)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
When Cultures Intersect
One of my favorite things about living in China and working at my school is our staff. Though most of us are American, we all together come from at least seven different countries. When I first moved to China, I thought the intermixing of these cultures would be stressful, but I have never found that to actually be the case. I have learned so much from so many different people.
I have learned how to enjoy a proper scone and Australian football from my Aussie friends.
I have learned how to enjoy a perfect cup of tea and how to say "brilliant" British words like "cheers" from my South African friends.
I have learned how to appreciate good, spicy food and learned how to respect others from my Korean friends.
I have learned how amazing Indian food is and how to properly eat it from my Indian friends.
I have learned that Christmas music is acceptable in any of the -ber months and how to properly eat a mango (and how to say it) from my Filipino friends.
I have learned about places in the US I have never been to, things I have never seen, and food I have never eaten from my American friends.
I have learned to survive and thrive in China because of my Chinese friends.
From my students and some of our staff, I have learned about the TCK culture. (TCK's are Third Culture Kids. Kids that grew up outside their home countries.)
I cannot tell you honestly that every moment in China has been wonderful or even good, but I will tell you this. I love my job and I love the people I get to work with even more. They have opened my eyes to the world and how it works. I can no longer imagine where I would be without them.
Thanks for being my multicultural friends.
I have learned how to enjoy a proper scone and Australian football from my Aussie friends.
I have learned how to enjoy a perfect cup of tea and how to say "brilliant" British words like "cheers" from my South African friends.
I have learned how to appreciate good, spicy food and learned how to respect others from my Korean friends.
I have learned how amazing Indian food is and how to properly eat it from my Indian friends.
I have learned that Christmas music is acceptable in any of the -ber months and how to properly eat a mango (and how to say it) from my Filipino friends.
I have learned about places in the US I have never been to, things I have never seen, and food I have never eaten from my American friends.
I have learned to survive and thrive in China because of my Chinese friends.
From my students and some of our staff, I have learned about the TCK culture. (TCK's are Third Culture Kids. Kids that grew up outside their home countries.)
I cannot tell you honestly that every moment in China has been wonderful or even good, but I will tell you this. I love my job and I love the people I get to work with even more. They have opened my eyes to the world and how it works. I can no longer imagine where I would be without them.
Thanks for being my multicultural friends.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
An Introvert's Perfect Day
Yesterday was the perfect day. What did I do? Well, I slept in. I took a long hot shower (even though it's insanely hot out). I rode the bus into town and got a seat right away. I walked to our local mall (Marina City). I saw Harry Potter in the theaters all by myself. I had ate McDonalds for lunch, Indian for dinner, and apple dumplings (oh my word! so good!) for dessert. I held my "nephew" for almost an hour and he didn't cry (summer was too long for a 8 month old to remember his doting "Auntie Amy"). I spent time with my QD family. And the best part of the day was that I spoke to less than 20 people all day...and most of them I spoke to for less than 5 minutes. I know my extroverted friends don't understand it, but in my opinion there is nothing better than being alone...at least up to a certain point.
Now today...today was the perfect companion to "an introvert's perfect day." Today I was a social butterfly and truly enjoyed those I spent time with. I can't wait until I get to experience "the introvert's perfect day" part 1 and 2 again. :)
Now today...today was the perfect companion to "an introvert's perfect day." Today I was a social butterfly and truly enjoyed those I spent time with. I can't wait until I get to experience "the introvert's perfect day" part 1 and 2 again. :)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Brand New
The last week has been so many different things. It has been hard, fun, exhausting, and exciting. It has been a mix of the brand new and the comfortable, but mostly it has just been all about the brand new. I am a person who thrives on routine. I like things that are comfortable and familiar and every once in a while I like a splash of color and adventure in my life. This week was hard for me because there was a splash of routine and everything else was brand new.
During the past week, I got a new roommate, got a new Teaching Assistant (TA), got a new class, and started a new school year. Literally everywhere I turn is something new and it has been a little overwhelming. I have tried to take the time to get to know my roommate and my TA but there hasn't been much time. I have already fallen in love with my new class, but I haven't quite figured out what makes them tick yet.
I am excited about this year, but just for now, I'm going to take today and go do something oh so achingly familiar. I'm going to chill in Starbucks all morning long and then spend my afternoon with "my family" that I have adopted here in China. I'm so excited to have a day full of comfortable. :)
During the past week, I got a new roommate, got a new Teaching Assistant (TA), got a new class, and started a new school year. Literally everywhere I turn is something new and it has been a little overwhelming. I have tried to take the time to get to know my roommate and my TA but there hasn't been much time. I have already fallen in love with my new class, but I haven't quite figured out what makes them tick yet.
I am excited about this year, but just for now, I'm going to take today and go do something oh so achingly familiar. I'm going to chill in Starbucks all morning long and then spend my afternoon with "my family" that I have adopted here in China. I'm so excited to have a day full of comfortable. :)
Saturday, August 6, 2011
On Cat Litter and Chinese Sized Brooms
This morning I gave back the cat I have been watching for the last two weeks. As soon as her owner walked out the door I broke into a chorus of "Free at Last." The last two weeks have been great fun, but it's exhausting having a cat around who likes to wake you up in the middle of the night wanting to play or nibble on various pieces of anatomy not lucky enough to be under the sheets (my poor nose, chin, and ears for the worst of it). I'm looking to a full night's sleep again. :)
Also as soon as the cat vacated I decided to clean up my house. I've had cats living in my home most of my life and it never ceases to amaze me that cats are capable of getting their cat litter everywhere! I swear that the cat had a 15-20 foot radius going on this litter. Then again, she was insane. So, because stepping on cat litter all day just seems insanely gross to me, I pulled out my broom to sweep it up.
In America, I actually really enjoy sweeping. It's kind of a feeling of "Haha sucker!" when you sweep up all that offending dust. However in China, I avoid sweeping and usually leave it to my ayi. Why do I do that? Well, the reason is very simple. I have never seen a broom in China that exceeds about 2.5 to 3 feet tall. It's like the midget broom you hand your kid when you want them to help with the chores but don't want them to fall over cause the normal-person sized broom is too heavy. It's something you see in the store and say "Ah, that is so cute!" with no intention whatsoever of ever buying anything so ridiculous.
Why are brooms so short in China you ask? Other than the fact that I am as tall as most of the men here (I'm 5'5") and all the women are usually a head or more shorter than me, I have no idea. I've never seen a midget sized Chinese person and I love to have my brooms almost as tall as me...at least to my shoulder....my ayi also has to bend over to use my broom...though not quite so far. I simply don't get it. Maybe brooms are short for the same reason that the counters hit my upper thighs (let me tell you...leaky sinks are a bad thing...it looks like you wet yourself)...I always pull a chair up to my counter if I have lots of dishes to do so that my back doesn't mutiny and decide to leave me some day for all the abuse I have caused it.
Needless to say, I got only half my house swept before I gave up on the midget broom. My back was making threatening comments about packing it's bags. So, no dust death in the other half of my house for now. It can live in peace for just a bit longer. At least the cat litter radius has been terminated. ;)
Also as soon as the cat vacated I decided to clean up my house. I've had cats living in my home most of my life and it never ceases to amaze me that cats are capable of getting their cat litter everywhere! I swear that the cat had a 15-20 foot radius going on this litter. Then again, she was insane. So, because stepping on cat litter all day just seems insanely gross to me, I pulled out my broom to sweep it up.
In America, I actually really enjoy sweeping. It's kind of a feeling of "Haha sucker!" when you sweep up all that offending dust. However in China, I avoid sweeping and usually leave it to my ayi. Why do I do that? Well, the reason is very simple. I have never seen a broom in China that exceeds about 2.5 to 3 feet tall. It's like the midget broom you hand your kid when you want them to help with the chores but don't want them to fall over cause the normal-person sized broom is too heavy. It's something you see in the store and say "Ah, that is so cute!" with no intention whatsoever of ever buying anything so ridiculous.
Why are brooms so short in China you ask? Other than the fact that I am as tall as most of the men here (I'm 5'5") and all the women are usually a head or more shorter than me, I have no idea. I've never seen a midget sized Chinese person and I love to have my brooms almost as tall as me...at least to my shoulder....my ayi also has to bend over to use my broom...though not quite so far. I simply don't get it. Maybe brooms are short for the same reason that the counters hit my upper thighs (let me tell you...leaky sinks are a bad thing...it looks like you wet yourself)...I always pull a chair up to my counter if I have lots of dishes to do so that my back doesn't mutiny and decide to leave me some day for all the abuse I have caused it.
Needless to say, I got only half my house swept before I gave up on the midget broom. My back was making threatening comments about packing it's bags. So, no dust death in the other half of my house for now. It can live in peace for just a bit longer. At least the cat litter radius has been terminated. ;)
Friday, August 5, 2011
Transitions and Loved Ones Missed...
Yesterday at teacher orientation we had a short session about transitions. When I saw it on the schedule, my first thought was "Oh, this is for the new staff. I can tune it out." I turned out to be very wrong. The session had already been presented to our new staff about a month before at pre-field orientation. This session was for the staff who had already been here...the ones who were getting somewhat comfortable in China.
Our speaker, Jerry, started talking about the things that still bothered us. The crowded buses, the tourists, the language. He talked about the things we do to protect ourselves from the pain of those transitions. Then he started to talk about other transitions. Life's transitions. Old friends leaving and new people coming. Teaching new subjects. Losing a loved one.
If Jerry didn't have our attention before, he had our attention then. He was talking about losing a student, Tim, in a tragic accident last year. He told us how impressed the community was by how we had pulled together and shined through the loss of Tim. And suddenly, after being fine with Tim being gone for days, suddenly I wasn't again. The pain came rushing back. What does one do with the pain of grief? When does it get better?
There will be days when I think it's ok. I've gotten over it. And then other days when someone just says his name and I burst into tears. There are many days when I see his family and you can tell it still hurts them so much. So, my dear friends, please continue to think of us. Please don't forget that we are mourning right now. None of us is quite sure how to continue without time and none of us is quite ready for this school year because the pain is still too raw.
Please pray for us. We need every ounce of grace we can get. This transition still hurts so much.
Our speaker, Jerry, started talking about the things that still bothered us. The crowded buses, the tourists, the language. He talked about the things we do to protect ourselves from the pain of those transitions. Then he started to talk about other transitions. Life's transitions. Old friends leaving and new people coming. Teaching new subjects. Losing a loved one.
If Jerry didn't have our attention before, he had our attention then. He was talking about losing a student, Tim, in a tragic accident last year. He told us how impressed the community was by how we had pulled together and shined through the loss of Tim. And suddenly, after being fine with Tim being gone for days, suddenly I wasn't again. The pain came rushing back. What does one do with the pain of grief? When does it get better?
There will be days when I think it's ok. I've gotten over it. And then other days when someone just says his name and I burst into tears. There are many days when I see his family and you can tell it still hurts them so much. So, my dear friends, please continue to think of us. Please don't forget that we are mourning right now. None of us is quite sure how to continue without time and none of us is quite ready for this school year because the pain is still too raw.
Please pray for us. We need every ounce of grace we can get. This transition still hurts so much.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Such a Great Weekend
This last weekend was so very full and so very fun. On Saturday morning I joined a rather large group that went to TaiDong. TaiDong is an absolutely huge shopping area. It's had to explain to someone who hasn't seen it or been in China. It's blocks and blocks wide and you can get anything you can imagine there. There are whole streets dedicated to selling specific merchandise, there is a Wal-mart, tailors, food, and more. On Saturday some friends and I went to kitchen street and plant street. Since I've been here for three full years now, I view TaiDong like a job. It's a get in, get what you need, get out kind of place. This Saturday however, we took our new staff with us. Being with them was like seeing the whole area through new eyes. I started looking again. I saw things I have never seen before. I went into stores that I had never cared enough to go into and I realized I was missing a lot. It was fun. It was also very hot and we had some very heavy stuff. Thank God that our principal was willing to drive us out in the school's van. We would never have fit everything in a taxi. :)
That night I had my upstairs neighbors over for dinner and later more friends came over and we watched an episode of Psych and demolished most of a pan of Monkey Bread. (YUM!) I may have also gotten sucked into a book after they left that I had to finish and finally did around midnight.
Sunday felt almost as full as Saturday. We went to fellowship in the morning where I heard one of the best message I've heard in ages...It's still turning over and over in my brain and I think it will for quite a while. (I may share it with you later if you don't mind.) After fellowship it was off to lunch, to the grocery store, chilling at Starbucks for a little while, then over to a friend's house to watch the Godfather.
I've never seen the Godfather before, but it's such a well known movie that I felt like I should. I have to honestly say that I'm glad I watched it, but I didn't like it enough to ever watch it again. Some friends and I ditched after the first movie (they were starting the second) and went back to our side of town and watched the first Harry Potter together. That I enjoyed...especially since my friend has the most amazing couch and I was falling asleep under a warm blanket while watching a well loved movie. The end of the day couldn't have been any better.
So dear friends, my weekend was full of new friends, new perspectives, a kick-butt (at least it is kicking my butt) lesson from my Father, and fun times with good friends. It couldn't have been better, but now the introvert in me is screaming for some time alone so I'm going to be lazy this morning. I'll go back to social butterfly this afternoon. After all...summer is over for us teachers on Thursday...but that means the fun is just beginning! :)
That night I had my upstairs neighbors over for dinner and later more friends came over and we watched an episode of Psych and demolished most of a pan of Monkey Bread. (YUM!) I may have also gotten sucked into a book after they left that I had to finish and finally did around midnight.
Sunday felt almost as full as Saturday. We went to fellowship in the morning where I heard one of the best message I've heard in ages...It's still turning over and over in my brain and I think it will for quite a while. (I may share it with you later if you don't mind.) After fellowship it was off to lunch, to the grocery store, chilling at Starbucks for a little while, then over to a friend's house to watch the Godfather.
I've never seen the Godfather before, but it's such a well known movie that I felt like I should. I have to honestly say that I'm glad I watched it, but I didn't like it enough to ever watch it again. Some friends and I ditched after the first movie (they were starting the second) and went back to our side of town and watched the first Harry Potter together. That I enjoyed...especially since my friend has the most amazing couch and I was falling asleep under a warm blanket while watching a well loved movie. The end of the day couldn't have been any better.
So dear friends, my weekend was full of new friends, new perspectives, a kick-butt (at least it is kicking my butt) lesson from my Father, and fun times with good friends. It couldn't have been better, but now the introvert in me is screaming for some time alone so I'm going to be lazy this morning. I'll go back to social butterfly this afternoon. After all...summer is over for us teachers on Thursday...but that means the fun is just beginning! :)
Friday, July 29, 2011
Happy Birthday to ME!
Sometime in February I celebrated my birthday with my class. Celebrating birthdays in a big deal among the parents at my school and teacher birthdays are an even bigger deal. Because my birthday is in July, I typically celebrate my half birthday with my class...unless there are no students with birthdays in January (it is far more awkward to just celebrate you then share with other students)....In that case I push it back to the next month with student birthdays. This year that month was February.
I had a fantastic Room Mom this year. She coordinated all the other mothers and got me a gift certificate for two meals at Le Meridien. Le Meridien is a new-ish five star hotel in town. All the five star hotels in town (yes, there are several) have an insanely good and insanely expensive buffet. So, two tickets to eat at Le Meridien's buffet is like a dream come true and an invitation to eat until you are ready to burst.
For the last five months I have tried multiple times to use these coupons but something always came up and I was unable to go. However, recently the pressure has been on. The coupons expire the end of August so I needed to use them. Tonight I finally got my chance.
Karen (my good friend and fellow second grade teacher) and I finally went to the buffet tonight. It was amazing. Out of the three platefuls I ate I only found one thing I didn't like. Everything was divine and I literally felt sick because I was so full when we left. Plus, Le Meridien is just so beautiful. It's decorated modern style rather than traditional and, let me tell you, I would decorate my house modern style if I could....someday I really hope to.... :)
Needless to say after waddling out of the buffet and the beautiful hotel, Karen and I went on a rather long walk. I don't know if it actually burned off any of my dinner weight, but I felt much better when we got back...
So, dear friends, my favorite teacher gift that I have ever gotten is definitely going to be those coupons. So much better than that fuzzy pink mirror with wings and halo or those awful grandma style rugs. Please, please can we skip the bad gifts again next year and just go for the amazing food? Thanks! :)
I had a fantastic Room Mom this year. She coordinated all the other mothers and got me a gift certificate for two meals at Le Meridien. Le Meridien is a new-ish five star hotel in town. All the five star hotels in town (yes, there are several) have an insanely good and insanely expensive buffet. So, two tickets to eat at Le Meridien's buffet is like a dream come true and an invitation to eat until you are ready to burst.
For the last five months I have tried multiple times to use these coupons but something always came up and I was unable to go. However, recently the pressure has been on. The coupons expire the end of August so I needed to use them. Tonight I finally got my chance.
Karen (my good friend and fellow second grade teacher) and I finally went to the buffet tonight. It was amazing. Out of the three platefuls I ate I only found one thing I didn't like. Everything was divine and I literally felt sick because I was so full when we left. Plus, Le Meridien is just so beautiful. It's decorated modern style rather than traditional and, let me tell you, I would decorate my house modern style if I could....someday I really hope to.... :)
Needless to say after waddling out of the buffet and the beautiful hotel, Karen and I went on a rather long walk. I don't know if it actually burned off any of my dinner weight, but I felt much better when we got back...
So, dear friends, my favorite teacher gift that I have ever gotten is definitely going to be those coupons. So much better than that fuzzy pink mirror with wings and halo or those awful grandma style rugs. Please, please can we skip the bad gifts again next year and just go for the amazing food? Thanks! :)
Lessons from Him
So one of my best friends asked me recently what God had been teaching me. As I sat and contemplated her answer for just a moment, she quickly hurried to add "or is now a dry spell time?" I gave her an answer about what he has been teaching me recently, but I continued to contemplate her answer for days. This morning I realized that He had been teaching me a lesson that I hadn't even caught onto yet. That happens to me often. He'll be trying to teach me something for months and then suddenly, it will get through my thick head.
Last night's adventures (if you don't know what they are, read the previous blog entry) taught me two important lessons that He has been working on for about a month now...hindsight really is definitely 20-20. The two lessons were it's ok to look like an idiot sometimes and sometimes you have to ask for help.
I hate looking like an idiot. I often try to explain my mistakes away or run away in embarrassment when I feel like an idiot. Finding the cat in my house last night left me with a desire to run away and die of embarrassment.
I also really struggle asking for help. I often think that anything that can't be done alone doesn't need to be done at all (NOT TRUE!). I hate letting others see my weakness. God has been giving me so many tasks lately that I cannot handle on my own. I'm constantly having to ask for help. I'm finally starting to get that lesson into my head and asking for help is getting somewhat easier.
I also started thinking about dry spells this morning. I tried to remember the last time I've had one. Honestly, since I became serious about following God 6 years ago, there hasn't been a moment in my life when He hasn't been teaching me something. Usually the lesson is "I love you. You can trust me. Nothing you do can make me leave." It's a lesson I'm having so much trouble grasping. However, I have to say that no matter how hard the lessons are, I am going to ask that He not stop giving them. I love constantly learning from Him even when the lessons hurt.
Last night's adventures (if you don't know what they are, read the previous blog entry) taught me two important lessons that He has been working on for about a month now...hindsight really is definitely 20-20. The two lessons were it's ok to look like an idiot sometimes and sometimes you have to ask for help.
I hate looking like an idiot. I often try to explain my mistakes away or run away in embarrassment when I feel like an idiot. Finding the cat in my house last night left me with a desire to run away and die of embarrassment.
I also really struggle asking for help. I often think that anything that can't be done alone doesn't need to be done at all (NOT TRUE!). I hate letting others see my weakness. God has been giving me so many tasks lately that I cannot handle on my own. I'm constantly having to ask for help. I'm finally starting to get that lesson into my head and asking for help is getting somewhat easier.
I also started thinking about dry spells this morning. I tried to remember the last time I've had one. Honestly, since I became serious about following God 6 years ago, there hasn't been a moment in my life when He hasn't been teaching me something. Usually the lesson is "I love you. You can trust me. Nothing you do can make me leave." It's a lesson I'm having so much trouble grasping. However, I have to say that no matter how hard the lessons are, I am going to ask that He not stop giving them. I love constantly learning from Him even when the lessons hurt.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
New Shelves, Broken Vases, Chasing Cats, and Unopenable Doors
So, it all started yesterday afternoon. Mr. Zhang, who works on our school maintenance team, came and hung some floating shelves for me. I was so excited! They're beautiful!
Later that night a friend dropped off a cat named Sesame for me to watch for the next week. She wasn't sure what to make of me and hid most of the night until I wanted to sleep. Then she wanted to cuddle and be pet.
I finally fell asleep around midnight and not long after that I heard a loud crash that woke me out of a dead sleep. I went to the living room to investigate and discovered that my new shelves weren't supported well enough and one of them had sagged enough that my lovely vase of bamboo had come crashing to the floor.
An hour later the mess, water and glass included, was finally cleaned up, but now I was wide awake. At 2AM I finally fell asleep. Four hours of sleep is definitely not enough to make a happy person so I kind of made it through today zombie style. I was so happy when it was time for dinner and a movie at a friend's house and then back home to bed.
Now, here is where the day gets truly interesting. On the way inside my house, I saw the cat, Sesame sitting by my gate door...outside. I tried to approach her, but she ran away. Slightly panicking, I ran upstairs to make sure Sesame was actually in my house. I searched every nook and cranny, but Sesame was nowhere to be found. I officially started panicking and went outside to try to coax her back in. After a few unsuccessful minutes, I called my cat loving friend, Lily, over to help. She came, even though she was jet lagging and helped me try to catch the cat. We worked for about 20-30 minutes to catch this cat to no luck. I called my new friend, Warren, for back-up. Over at least a full hour we chased the cat, called the cat, tried to give the cat food, tried to trap the cat in a box (anyone else thinking of Godzilla and Taco Bell dog right now?), and tried to simply back off. Nothing worked. At one point Lily was able to grab the cat, but it freaked out and tore up her arm.
Finally we gave up. I was trying to figure out how to tell my friends I had lost their cat and trying to figure out who to yell at for letting the cat out of my house. We went back to my house, got Lily cleaned up and walked together over to her house to try to get her door open (yes, to make the day more fun, Lily's key wasn't working and she was locked out of her house). After another 15 minutes trying to tackle that problem, we decided that Lily was going to stay the night at my house.
We got back and both collapsed on my dining room floor exhausted and sweaty with me bemoaning the loss of the cat when Lily perked up and told me to look behind me. I turned around and there was the stupid cat! She had never left. Despite walking in and out of my apartment a dozen times and searching everywhere for her, she was in the house the whole time! I was so relieved and mad at the same time.
So dear friends, I learned my lesson. No more cat sitting and I'm cured of my desire for a cat...at least for now. It was a far too adventurous/disastrous day for my taste....and I owe Lily and Warren big time.
Later that night a friend dropped off a cat named Sesame for me to watch for the next week. She wasn't sure what to make of me and hid most of the night until I wanted to sleep. Then she wanted to cuddle and be pet.
I finally fell asleep around midnight and not long after that I heard a loud crash that woke me out of a dead sleep. I went to the living room to investigate and discovered that my new shelves weren't supported well enough and one of them had sagged enough that my lovely vase of bamboo had come crashing to the floor.
An hour later the mess, water and glass included, was finally cleaned up, but now I was wide awake. At 2AM I finally fell asleep. Four hours of sleep is definitely not enough to make a happy person so I kind of made it through today zombie style. I was so happy when it was time for dinner and a movie at a friend's house and then back home to bed.
Now, here is where the day gets truly interesting. On the way inside my house, I saw the cat, Sesame sitting by my gate door...outside. I tried to approach her, but she ran away. Slightly panicking, I ran upstairs to make sure Sesame was actually in my house. I searched every nook and cranny, but Sesame was nowhere to be found. I officially started panicking and went outside to try to coax her back in. After a few unsuccessful minutes, I called my cat loving friend, Lily, over to help. She came, even though she was jet lagging and helped me try to catch the cat. We worked for about 20-30 minutes to catch this cat to no luck. I called my new friend, Warren, for back-up. Over at least a full hour we chased the cat, called the cat, tried to give the cat food, tried to trap the cat in a box (anyone else thinking of Godzilla and Taco Bell dog right now?), and tried to simply back off. Nothing worked. At one point Lily was able to grab the cat, but it freaked out and tore up her arm.
Finally we gave up. I was trying to figure out how to tell my friends I had lost their cat and trying to figure out who to yell at for letting the cat out of my house. We went back to my house, got Lily cleaned up and walked together over to her house to try to get her door open (yes, to make the day more fun, Lily's key wasn't working and she was locked out of her house). After another 15 minutes trying to tackle that problem, we decided that Lily was going to stay the night at my house.
We got back and both collapsed on my dining room floor exhausted and sweaty with me bemoaning the loss of the cat when Lily perked up and told me to look behind me. I turned around and there was the stupid cat! She had never left. Despite walking in and out of my apartment a dozen times and searching everywhere for her, she was in the house the whole time! I was so relieved and mad at the same time.
So dear friends, I learned my lesson. No more cat sitting and I'm cured of my desire for a cat...at least for now. It was a far too adventurous/disastrous day for my taste....and I owe Lily and Warren big time.
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